Life with TBI

You know...I've said this before, and I will say it again...

Life with a person that has a TBI is not fun. 

Yes, there are good days, but lately the bad days outnumber the good.

We have just been coming off of a bad MONTH!!!

And, I got my usual (estimated) 4 hours of sleep last night and was woken up by someone laughing really loud...we won't say who. (wink)

So, what have I been doing?  Well, homework for one.

And, scrolling Facebook (that's a whole other post).

While scrolling, I came across this particular post from BrainLine.org about Trust.

You see, since DH had his surgery, and we found out that there was brain damage, it has been a battle for us.  Lately, there is no trust.  He has taken to password protecting all of his gadgets, and of course deleting text messages etc.  All my life it's been hard for me to trust people to begin with.  It is a very precious commodity that I do not give out often.  

The man that I fell in Love with is gone.  What is left is a person that is angry all the time, usually at me.  I live in a small town where there are no support groups that I know of.  And usually, when I turn to my friends, they say to leave him.  How can you leave someone when you KNOW THAT THE PROBLEM IS THE INJURY AND NOT YOUR SPOUSE?  

I know that he regrets yelling at me, most of the time.  I know that he is having a hard time understanding his feelings.  And to top all that off, is the added stress of graduating college (I'm so proud of him) and not being able to find a job.  It takes all of my strength to talk him down from a rage.  And, when Abby from BrainLine.org mentioned that there was "a look in his eyes" that she had never seen.  I KNOW THAT LOOK!!! I've experienced it.  And it is dangerous at times.  

When DH looks at me like that, I KNOW that it's not him, his eyes literally narrow.  It is a scary look, but I've learned to cope with it.  Yes, my marriage isn't perfect and I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with...but I also know that it takes strength to stay in the marriage.  Everyone tells me to leave, but I can't leave, because I know that there are times when the old hubby will filter through to the surface, and he will laugh and make jokes about me.  And those times are what keeps me going...however hard it can be.

A simple Thank You made him smile

Today, I was driving home from Houston, and came across a car that was from Indiana (I think...couldn't see the plate too well).  You could tell he was a soldier because he had the little oval tags for Iraq and Afghanistan in the back window.  As he passed me, he looked over at me and he seemed a little sad the way he looked at me.  Then it hit me...I'm going to tell him Thank You while driving down the road.  So, I took out my military dependents ID card and held it up to where he could see it.  Then I signed "Thank You" in sign language, while also saying it with my lips.  

He SMILED, and signed "Welcome" in sign language.  He also seemed a little more upbeat in the way he sit in his car driving down the road.  His head was no longer down a little bit, he looked up with pride.  I'm pretty sure he was headed to Fort Hood because he took the 190 exit off of 59 N.  

This little act of kindness made me feel better because I brought a smile to someone, who really appeared a little beat down.  And I know it made him feel just a little better that someone would actually say "Thank You" while driving down the road.  

Soooo...I know this is a bad picture, but there was a lot of traffic, but if anyone knows this guy, tell him I am glad I made him smile.  

P.S.  He waved to me as he was taking the 190 exit.  It's amazing what such a little thing as a "Thank You" can do!!!  

What does Memorial Day mean to you?

This weekend is a holiday weekend.  Most people care about the 3-day weekend, and BBQ picnics.  In our family, we remember.  My husband, Mike, usually sits by himself and reflects on the past.  Mike is haunted by the past.  He has survivors guilt.  Constantly wondering why he didn't die also.  

I have no answers for that.  I don't even know why, except that he is here, and one of his soldiers isn't. 

Memorial Day is defined as a day of remembering the men and women who died while serving in the United States Armed Forces.  But for those who lived it, that's every day.  They don't forget.  

(Here's my two cents worth coming in now)  I think that the reason Mike's PTSD keeps getting worse is because of the survivors guilt.  I don't think he deserves to have a family when his soldier didn't get that chance.  

There are certain days of the year when I know to leave Mike alone.  I have given up so much to be with him.  Because of his PTSD, he avoids crowds, he doesn't go anywhere, and he really doesn't sleep anymore.  I told him yesterday he reminded me of my grandpa, who served during the Korean War.  I don't ever remember him sleeping with my grandma, he had his own room.  He would never leave the house, and he hardly ever slept.  He would be up at nights when we visited and just sit on the porch.  That's about how Mike is now.  I can't remember the last time he came to bed with me...though at times he comes in later.  

Would most wives be supportive of their husband staying up all night because they can't sleep?  Would most wives be supportive of their husband playing a video game all the time?

Would most wives be supportive of their husband just walking off by themselves?

I support all of these!  These are the quirks that I've learned to live.  I listen to him talk about a game I have no interest in...it's his escape.  His "therapy".  I've given up many things for him.  The PTSD has gotten so bad that we hardly go to sports games anymore...even if we could afford it.  

While I'm on that thought...while you're enjoying your weekend, and ALL THOSE SALES AT THE STORES...please REMEMBER that there are soldiers that are still appealing their disability...still going month to month eating beans and rice.  YES...that's what we've been eating for about a month now!  Still calling the VA to try to get things rolling...which with this system takes forever.  

What I wouldn't give to have just one week where we didn't have to worry about ANYTHING!! Where we can have an enjoyable week, doing anything...which for Mike right now would be camping and fishing.  Hey, I would take that because that means that it's a vacation.  A week without worrying, without him watching out the front window.  A week of relaxing.  A week of enjoying a lot of food, without worrying if we're going to have money at the end of the month.  A week to see a smile on his face.  

So, while you're having a great weekend, and shopping those sales.  Please, please....remember people like Pfc. Jesse D. Mizener, who was my husbands soldier who didn't make it back.  This young man, whom I've never met, has impacted my life so profoundly.  We do think of him and his family on a regular basis.

Do You Know What it's Like?

I don't really know where to begin this blog, and I REALLY shouldn't have to post something like this situation.  Yes, I wanted to make people more aware of what Veteran's go through when they  come home, but not like this.

Last night, I was talking to someone very close to me, and this person ended up saying that the reason my husband is "so sick" (he has a TBI, he's not sick!!!) is because of KARMA!! I was so LIVID that I had to hang up on this person because they know nothing about what goes on here, and it just shows how STUPID some people can be.  

My husband has a Traumatic Brain Injury, not because of something he did, not because he was a bad person, and certainly not because of Karma.  He has the TBI because HE FOUGHT FOR HIS COUNTRY IN WAR.  HE was in a unit that was bombed daily.  There is a reason I leave him alone on January 7 of every year.  Because I can't begin to know what it's like to go through what he went through.  The only thing I CAN do is be there for him.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO?

Do you know what it's like to have your spouse withdraw from you because they don't know who to turn to for help?

Do you know what it's like to hear them have NIGHTMARES because of what they have seen and lived through?

Do you know what it's like to have your spouse constantly degrade themselves because they think they're dumb now and can't remember his schoolwork?

Do you know what it's like to only be able to hold them in the middle of the night because they are shaking so much from said NIGHTMARES?

Do you know what it's like?

i. do.

Those are two little words that I said on my wedding day, that I live every day.  It's ironic that they mean so much now in my life.  Two little words that say more than you can know.

I'm not even going to begin to say that my life is easy because of this.  I'm not going to begin to say I CHOOSE this life because it choose me.  I am going to say that I LOVE MY HUSBAND very much.  We may have our arguments, and we may not always get along, but we both know that we're there for each other.  

So, before you begin to judge me for my actions, or say that someone deserved a Traumatic Brain Injury, please think of what you are saying.  No one deserves this!!

I believe that God never gives you more than you can handle.  I also say that God must think I'm pretty strong because, every time I think my life starts to even out, every time I think I have it handled....a little something more comes along.  

If you know someone that is dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, who is a Veteran, or who has a Brain Injury, please pass this along.  Let them know they're not alone.  Let them know that there are others who know what they're going through and that even though they think they're alone, there is always someone out there...you just gotta find them.

As for that person that said this was Karma.....GROW UP!!! 

Shame on Lufkin Industries for Reverse Discrimination

*****WARNING--THIS POST DOES DEAL WITH DISCRIMINATION BASED ON RACE AND GENDER, IF YOU GET OFFENDED BY WHAT I WRITE HERE, PLEASE DO NOT READ IT.*****

My husband has been a faithful employee at Lufkin Industries since 2006. From that time until he was put on Long Term Medical Leave, he had only a couple of write ups. Now fast forward to this year. In June 2009, Lufkin Industries had to pay $5 Million in a discrimination case as seen here.  Now, In my opinion, Lufkin Industries is so afraid of another lawsuit, that they're practicing reverse discrimination.

Now, I'm half-mexican married to a white guy, and I am fairly open-minded.  But, when my WHITE husband gets put on "clean up duty" because he scrapped 1 part and had a write up for it, and there's a BLACK FEMALE that scraps parts on a regular basis (conservatively 1 part every two weeks) and NOT A SINGLE WRITE UP there's something wrong. Oh yeah, have I mentioned that it has been heard that the supervisor will tell this woman that "she's like the daughter he never had"? This alone shows the company playing favorites.

My husband has not been allowed to work on his machine since June while this lady scraps parts on a regular basis.  Now, Lufkin Industries is trying to make my husband take a job that pays $5 LESS an hour than what he has been making for about the last THREE YEARS!!!!!!!!

When my husband went back to work after his disability for an injury that he incurred during the Iraq War, the company had already given his job to another person because they did not think he was coming back.  So, when he did go back, they didn't know what to do with him. 

Does this seem right?  They have written him up four times, yet he only had one write up slip.  When he asked for copies of the other write ups, the company would not give them to him.  Now, Lufkin Industries has gone against their own UNION CONTRACT and given away a job without posting a job bid as stated in the contract.  There is a lot of playing of favorites at this company, and I feel my husband won't be working there very much longer because they are trying to make him quit.  They have created a hostile working environment to the point where he doesn't want to go to work and when at work, he does his job and doesn't really talk to anyone.  If any of my readers out there knows anyone that can help us with this situation, please let me know.  Also, please please pass this on to your friends and let Lufkin Industries know that reverse discrimination is as wrong as discrimination.  There should be equality in the workplace, not just with pay, but with how people are treated no matter what race or gender they are.  I know that there is a strong case here, and I'm really hoping that he is able to keep his position. 

This is reverse discrimination against a white male who also happens to be an Iraq AND Gulf War Veteran, who has had to have brain surgery for a TBI incurred during the war.  It doesn't seem fair, or right and yet, Lufkin Industries is able to get away with it.

Please help Chairs4Vets

Hi everyone!  This is a real quick one, and of course I'm having problems getting the likes because of certain people...you remember how that went right? LOL Anyway, This is for $100 for Chairs4Vets and will greatly help getting it off the ground.  All you have to do is from facebook, go to this page and like the page, and then go to this post and like the comment by Marcella Cook.  Another thing I'm asking IF YOU WANT TO is to put Chairs4Vets at the bottom, it doesn't matter if you get any likes, but I want to show that we have supporters! Not to mention, there's another person that is (how shall we say this)...getting likes EXTREMELY FAST...you can surmise after that!!!

Please ‘like’ http://www.facebook.com/thepbrealityshow

Then ‘like’ COMMENT BY MARCELLA COOK here     https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=255295944511364&set=a.211812512193041.56355.132746903432936&type=1 

Thank You

I appreciate all help you can give me with this!  

Chairs4Vets is starting to become a reality!

Many of you might remember last year when my husband was critically ill.  The one thing that bothered us the most about the VA hospital was the lack of wheelchairs for inpatient use, or for people needing one for day appointments.  There are many veterans that are otherwise able to get around on their own.  BUT, if they're seriously ill, or unable to navigate the long halls of the VA Hospital, there is usually around a two hour wait for a wheelchair.  I don't know about others, but we get to the hospital about 30 minutes before the appointment, and don't have time to wait. 

It was during this frustration, when my husband was barely able to walk, that we came up with this idea.  What if we started a charity to provide these wheelchairs to the VA hospital on a regular basis.  Thus, Chairs4Vets was born.  

Next Tuesday, July 19, 2011 there is going to be a donation of a wheelchair from Beta Sigma Phi to the Fisher House in Houston.  This came about because I had mentioned to one of the members our dream of providing wheelchairs to the VA hospitals.  They wanted to provide one to the Fisher House because they are also going through the same problems as the VA Hospital...no wheelchairs for the visitors.  You're invited!!!
It is at the Fisher House, next to the VA Hospital at 6:00 PM. (I think....will update if I'm wrong)

I'm really excited about this because I get to see my wonderful sister soulmate Egg.  We're going to probably spend the day together and of course be us, which is totally unique.  But also, I get to see my dream slowly come to life.  Egg and I will also be doing a joint blog/tweeting thing-a-ma-jig (she doesn't want it to be a tweetup) somewhere...I really don't know where yet, but it's gonna be in Houston.  So, for those that live in Houston and have been waiting to meet me...guess what...I hope this is enough advanced notice!!!

Of course, as usual, I will have pictures of Egg and I, and of course there will be totally unique, silly pictures because that's how we roll! Hope to see you guys there!

CyberStalking & CyberHarassment

We’ve all heard about it.  We’ve educated our kids about it.  But what happens when it’s adults doing the stalking and harassment.  Because it is ADULTS it is not called CyberBullying, but it make the bullied person feel the same as when it happens to kids. 

According to the law, I am not being CyberBullied because I’m an adult.  And I’m NOT being CyberHarassed because it’s one or more persons hiding behind a Facebook page.  They have also hidden the “members” who like this page, so it could be anyone. 

All of my readers, fans, and friends know that I enter a lot of contests.  In every contest I enter, there are people that try to get me disqualified and if I happen to not get disqualified, then the people who are bullying me will post something to the effect that I cheat.

I have not won any major prizes because every time I enter a contest people will lie about me and make up a story so that I will get disqualified.  Then the sponsor will automatically take their word for it because I have turned the other cheek and not participated in their bullying because I won’t answer them. 

I’m  determined to NOT let the people who are doing this WIN.  I WILL NOT CRAWL UNDER A ROCK OR QUIT THE CONTESTS.  I believe in the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  I leave them alone and let them WIN their contests without contacting the sponsor just to get them disqualified.  I don’t talk to them.  I don’t participate in “voting groups” on Facebook or otherwise.  Although, the people who would say that I’m cheating are the ones that have the voting groups like Bring on The Votes  and Golden Rule Voting   and then the PRIVATE groups, where it’s invite only like Legit V (which I don’t have a link for because I wasn’t invited.) 

My friends know that I send out emails weekly, and sometimes daily, to ask for votes.  AND, if a contest is important enough to me, I will call them and ask them to vote.  Most of the families, I only have to call one person to start the chain to help me with voting.  I have incredible support from my friends and family that I have won a few small contests.  Although my small support group is not big enough to go against the voting groups and actually win a contest, I keep trying. 

A lot of you guys, my fans and readers, know the reason that I do the contesting and you understand that reason.  For those who don’t know yet, my husband is a Disabled Iraq Veteran with a Traumatic Brain Injury and has been off of work for over a year.  In that year, I BARELY got the bills paid because I had managed to squeeze every last penny to the limit.  The items that I have won in the past year are THE ONLY LUXURY ITEMS THAT WE’VE HAD!!! ALSO, SOME OF THE PRIZES ARE THINGS THAT WERE NECESSITIES like a stroller because I wore our old stroller out walking the halls of the Houston VA Hospital every time my husband was critically ill. 

The funny thing about all this, is that these people are spineless, deviant, and so immature that they won’t even admit who they are, not that I don’t know, but they hide behind aliases and fake profiles. Not one person will stand forward and admit who they are and what they are doing like an adult.  Like cowards they log their attacks under fake names and profiles that get discarded as soon as they make the attack.  The whole time these people have me blocked and I have no idea what they’re doing until I am blindsided or someone else brings their actions to my attention. 

YES, at one time I had TEN profiles that were used to help these same spineless people win in different contests.  Those who I have helped win the contest immediately unfriended me and blocked me and then stole those profiles.  These profiles were validated with cell phone numbers at my expense and were “valid” at one time.  These profiles were then STOLEN from me by these very people who were SUPPOSED to be my friends.  They were able to steal these profiles because I trusted them and really thought they were my friends. 

At this time, I DO NOT have any fake profiles on Facebook.  Nor do I have friends that I do not know personally on some level.  Most are family or people I’ve met through my life. 

My jewelry business has suffered because of these attacks from the rumors and lies spread by these people.  My blog has been reported as spam on Facebook, so that I can’t even announce new posts.  I have not gotten any new sponsors for giveaways or reviews because of these attacks.  These unwarranted and unjustifiable constant personal attacks have disrupted my professional and personal life and have literally brought me to tears more often than I care to admit. This became a HUGE issue five months ago, and I have tried to cope with it and ignore it and turn the other cheek.   

It’s time to grow up.  If you’ve got a problem with me, show your face and state your name.  Tell me what you want to say.  Quit hiding and quit being childish, we are not on a playground and we are “supposedly” trying to set good examples for our children, but how can stalking, bullying, and harassment be good examples for the next generation.  Your actions and your statements are there for anyone to see.  Your behavior affects not only me, but anyone who pulls up the pages you defile.  When an adult is as vicious and petty as you all have become, any child or person who see that can be influenced by your actions.  Grow up, take responsibility and stop harming others.  It’s one thing to be petty and vindictive towards me, but you really cross the line when you bare it for the world.