Communication Problems with Stubborn Family

Stubborn??? That's the least of it. 

See, I've grown up, I can be professional, I CAN FORGIVE...

which is more than I can say for my family.

The past six months have been heartbreaking.

They have been emotionally scarring.

They've been, for lack of a better word...

HELL!

What kind of person would bully their own child?

What kind of person would instruct their caretaker to assault their child?

What kind of person would do this?  Knowingly?

Marsha Jean Cook...otherwise known as the person who gave birth to me.

I am not calling her my mother anymore, because a mother would not do this.

A mother is supposed to care for and protect their children.

I am still scared to let my family know where I am...specifically...though I think they have an idea.

I'm scared to let anyone get close to me anymore because of all this.

I thought growing up knowing that your parents didn't want you was bad...but for your mother to say she's changed, only to be worse to me than ever growing up was a nightmare.

I saw an old high school teacher in December right after most of this happened, and the first words out of her mouth were, "I can't believe your mom did this to you AGAIN".  

AGAIN....my mom did this while I was in high school, and like a stupid child, I believed her when she said things would be different.  

Her own sister said that she should never have had kids, that she was too selfish...

And still I believed her.

I've been told not to post this; not to write an open letter to my mom...

but if that's the only way to let her know how I feel, 

How I HURT

How I feel BETRAYED

How I feel HOPELESS

Then I will do it...I will put everything out there that what she did was horrible....and I'm not saying in the least that I'm innocent, because I did some horrible things to, but I OWN THEM...

I don't blame others for what I did.

I have also TRIED to MAKE AMENDS and Ask forgiveness.

I believe in FORGIVENESS...I believe in giving another chance...because 

PEOPLE LEARN FROM THEIR MISTAKES.

Me, I've learned that my family will always be toxic

AND SELFISH

AND MEAN

AND HURTFUL

AND MANIPULATIVE

AND BACKSTABBING

I've learned not to trust them anymore.

I've learned not to believe anything that comes out of their mouths because it's usually LIES!

So...Marsha Jean Cook.

I'm sorry for hurting you.

I'm sorry for lashing out when I was being bullied and harassed by people that you paid.

I want to badly to talk to you, and try to patch things up.

I do miss talking to you every day.

I miss telling you the things I've discovered or learned.

I miss telling you the funny things that happen to me (like I broke TWO NEEDLES trying to bind a book).

I miss making you laugh.

I miss learning with you.

I miss trying to introduce you to new things.

I miss exploring with you.

I miss you watching me make jewelry.

I miss making jewelry for you.

I miss introducing you to new shows to watch on Netflix.

I miss teaching you what your phone would do.

I miss all of this.

When I bought you the diamond earrings, you cried because no on had ever gotten them for you.

When I bought you the stuffed animal after your hip surgery, when NO ONE ELSE WAS THERE...you cried because NO ONE had thought to get you anything while  you were in the hospital.

When you told me the wrong direction to someplace and started crying because you thought I would yell at you, I was hurt.  I was hurt because Letty did that to you, and taught you to be afraid to make a mistake.  I was hurt because your own daughter did this to you. 

And, you choose to be around this now.  You have chosen to be around the same people that have yelled at you, made you late to your appointments, made you scared to make a mistake.  And yet, me, who just laughed and said "we get to learn a new way", me, you choose to cut out of your life.

This sounds like classic elder abuse, yet no one will listen to me because I'm the one that everyone teamed up against and pushed out.  I made sure you went to all of your appointments.  I made sure you did what you wanted to do.  Sometimes, paying for it out of my own pocket.  

One day, you will see what is really happening, and I hope that day comes soon...before you've lost me forever.

This is my Good Bye to you.

This is my closure.

I don't even have a phone number for you, and that's OK with me.  

Even though I have been cold and hungry most days these past couple months, I know I'm a good person.

I know that I did the best I could for you.

Now, I have to hope.

Hope that someone realizes this before it's too late.

Hope that someone can intervene before you lose everything, including your freedom.

You once said to me that your biggest fear was being put in a nursing home...and yet...

How is that going?

You're unable to keep people working for you...why is that?

I was there for free...and yes...I've learned a lot.

I've changed a lot in these past couple months...I'm not even sure you would recognize me if you saw me.

So....this isn't exactly a letter, but it's me speaking my feelings.  It's me speaking out because I know things are not good with you, but you won't let the people that care about you the most around you.

So, if someone in a position of authority reads this blog...please check out all the circumstances regarding all this.  This woman is being abused...to the point she is scared of her own family, and I fear for her safety.  I fear for her mental well being.  What people would buy all these gifts for an elderly person that they have just known a couple months when these people are struggling themselves?  What people would do this?  Nathasha and Gilbert (Bubba) Hise are the ones that started all this, and yet, no oneis investigating them or their motives.  Their own daughter accused them of abuse, and yet they're allowed to be around elderly who can't speak up for themselves.

So, I ask you...who is really the worst person?

Who are the people that are putting my mother in harms way?

Who is Marci?

You know, I just want to write.  I don't have a clever title for my blogs, or anything like that.

This is the telling of my experiences, and my life.

And, sometimes, it gets so overwhelming that it just needs to be said.

Yes, I've neglected my blog for a while because I wasn't sure what to write, and I was trying to figure out what direction I wanted my blog to take.  So, I'm not going in one direction, I'm staying true to myself and just posting what I feel, what I want to say, and what needs to be said.  

Right now, what needs to be said is that I'm OK.  I'm OK with my life.  I'm OK with living in my van.  I'm OK with being single. (Yeah, a significant other would be fantastic, but there's nothing on the horizon.)

I've always been a caretaker for other people, starting when I was 12 and my grandmother moved in with us.  I would help her get dressed and help with things around the house.  Then, I got married, and had kids.  Now, I have none of that...it's just me, and I'm so lost right now because it is just me.  

Who is Marci?  

Who is this woman that is so broken?

Who is this survivor?

For the first question, I have no clue.  I know what I like, I know about what I want, and I know that I need to become stronger.

Second question...that woman is a survivor.

That woman is a person that has been abused by her parents, her spouses, pretty much everyone that said "I love you" to me, with the exception of my children has hurt me one way or another.  

Third question...that survivor is Marci.  She is broken, but don't expect that to last.  She has fought her way back to a semblance of peace before and can do it again.  

It's one thing to be betrayed by people that are supposedly friends, however, for your own parent to do this to you is another story.  A parent is supposed to protect their child, not bully them, not abuse them and make them feel like crap.  

Even if the child is grown, they still look to their parents for protection, and when that protection is not there, the child learns they have to protect and defend themselves.  

When I was 13, my parents (both of them) admitted they never wanted me.  It took me the better part of 25 years to have a relationship with my mom because of this.  On a side note, I forgave them for that a long time ago...more for my own sanity than anything.  It started with phone calls to my mom daily.  Then some visits.  Then when I moved into my van shortly before Christmas last year, my mom said she was worried and didn't want me living in my van.  She asked me to move in with her...she had a spare room and she wanted my company.  So, I quit my job and moved to Killeen.  

The week after I moved in with her, she fell and broke her hip.  I believe that God wanted me there with her, because I advocated for her, and barely left her side while she was in the hospital and rehab...even sleeping on the little fold out cots they had.  I met some awesome people and made some friends during that adventure.

Then, things turned.  I've always said October is a bad month for me, even though it is my birthday month.  The beginning of October saw me telling my mom that I was only going to do fundraising for a van or lift for myself.  And, I explained why it was for me, because a van could hold two chairs, and if I got the van, DARS would convert it for me, versus her getting the van and me being stuck without a vehicle.  She was not happy about that decision...she wanted me to give her a van, and go without one for myself.  And, then things really started to get bad...

When she got her new "service dog" that is not even potty trained, she also bought over $100 of stuff for the dog and then the dog had to go to the vet, which was another $150, on top of the $200 she paid for the dog.  So, I spent all my funds trying to pay her bills because she WANTED this dog...She WANTED to spend the money on what she WANTED.  I NEEDED to get the bills paid.  I lost my pool cue in the pawn shop, my jewelry that I had sized, and still haven't gotten my glasses because I put every penny into her bills and household.  I've lost everything...and then....

When I came home from Nightfall, she told me that she was going to start keeping track of what her other worker did because the work wasn't getting done.  The worker took my stuff from when I was sewing and put it in the doorway of my room, to where I couldn't even walk in there, and took pictures.  THEN, she and my mom told the landlord I was destroying the room, and showed the landlord those pictures.  Now, the blinds in the room were destroyed by my moms other dog, and the stains on the floor were from her dogs going to the bathroom on the floor...not from my mess...my room may be cluttered, but not totally messy.

The landlord is now trying to evict me, if my mom had waited until I got paid, like I promised, I would have willingly left the day I got paid...instead I'm waiting until I get the court order.  This way, I don't have to rush out of the house, and I won't lose everything....again.  

So, my mom of course cried out emotional abuse and then her other caretaker cried financial abuse, claiming I was stealing from my mom.  First off, I made more money than her, and covered her bills...which can be proven.  And, she was aware of every thing what was spent...EVERYTHING.  I have text messages etc, and the money transfers when I transferred money to her account for her to pay the bills.  I have proof otherwise, and since these allegations were leveled on me, there is an investigation...and the investigation will prove exactly this.  

So, besides that...I lived through two weeks of literal HELL because my mom allowed her guests to bully and harass me.  She allowed them to call me names, threaten me, threaten my cat...make me scared to be in my own house.   

So, now....I've been betrayed by my own mother...I've been bullied and harassed by people I thought were friends.  And, I've gone back into my safe haven...my van...good old Petunia.  It's weird that a van will make me feel safe, but if you think about it...it's mine, and it's secure.  

So, new start...Marci is broken, Marci has been abused and betrayed, and Marci is surviving all this.  And coming through on the other side a stronger person.  I am Marci, and I am a survivor....and this is just another bump in the road of life.

Why I Chose to Fight for a Parking Spot (Or why I got evicted)

You may think that I should have just let it go.

You may think that I was asking for trouble for standing up for myself.

And...you're probably right.

But, if there's one thing that really upsets me, it's when people feel they can walk all over others because they're in a position of power.

Yes, I'm talking about my apartment complex.  

When I moved in, I told them there would be days when I would have to take my wheelchair into the apartment.  That I had a handicap placard, and would be using it.  I thought it was really cool that there was a handicap parking spot right outside my apartment.  Then...this happened:

Yes, that would be a car parked in the striped no parking area right next to the handicap spot.  On a side not, I usually parked a little over the line to give the person next to the handicap spot room to open their doors because the spots were so close together.

The next morning, the car was still there...it was there so late the next morning that I was late for a final exam...I couldn't get my stuff into the car.  When the guy went into the office, and came out, he said the manager said he could park there.  

I'm thinking to myself, wait a minute, this is a no parking zone, and yet the manager just said he could park there.  Something's not right.  So, I decided to look at the Fair Housing Laws, and confirmed that an assigned handicap parking spot is a reasonable accomodation.  And, it would eliminate people parking in the striped area...or so I thought.  

When I asked the manager for the assigned spot, I was told that they'r'e private property and they don't have to provide that accommodation.  So, I checked the law even more.  And this is what I found:

Requires housing providers to make reasonable accommodations for persons with disabilities. A reasonable accommodation is a change in rules, policies, practices, or services so that a person with a disability will have an equal opportunity to use and enjoy a dwelling unit or common space. A housing provider should do everything s/he can to assist, but s/he is not required to make changes that would fundamentally alter the program or create an undue financial and administrative burden. Reasonable accommodations may be necessary at all stages of the housing process, including application, tenancy, or to prevent eviction.

Example: A housing provider would make a reasonable accommodation for a tenant with mobility impairment by fulfilling the tenant's request for a reserved parking space in front of the entrance to their unit, even though all parking is unreserved.

*Here is the link if you want to check it out* 

So, I printed it out, and went back to my apartment manager, and showed it to them.  I got "we will let the attorney's know".  That was it.  In the meantime there continued to be people parking in the striped spot and the handicap spot itself...without a handicap placard.  

This is when I started keeping records.  On more than one occasion I had to call friends to take my things into my apartment because there was not parking. And, several times, I couldn't get in my car.  And, Yet, I continued to ask for the parking spot.  

By the middle of February, when I filed the complaint, I was so frustrated and overwhelmed that I started looking for another apartment.  I wanted to first have all of my ducks in a row before I gave notice and broke my lease.  

In March, it started to get to the point where I felt I was being harassed because I kept asking for the parking spot.  I started staying at school later and later...the Student Center stays open every night until 11 PM.  Then I would go to McDonald's and waste time there.  It got to the point where I would stay gone from my apartment until I was literally falling over because I was so tired.  And I would turn around and get up early, and be at the Student Center when their doors opened at 7AM.  

Then in April, one of the new tenants called the apartment manager and said I followed her to school (the apartment is half a mile from the school) and that she was scared to come home.  Scared of ME...who sits in a wheelchair all day, and am usually in so much pain, I really don't want to mess with anyone.  

It's hard enough for me to carry my Smart Drive into the house, let alone try to find out exactly who this chick was and where she lived.  I could care less about that at this point.  And...I got home that night to an eviction notice.  Yep, you guessed it...lease violation.  I'm such a scary person.

I knew that my Fair Housing Complaint was working it's way through the system, and I was hoping that it would get through the system in time, but it didn't.  

So, I went to court, and got evicted.  And, I asked for some time until the end of the semester, when all the housing would open up.  

And, the apartments wouldn't budge.  I do have to say that I talked to the Regional Office earlier this week...they said they would let me have my parking spot, and let me stay.  I said Thanks but no Thanks because I want them to learn the law and I want them held responsible for every night I had to leave my stuff in the car because I couldn't carry it in, or every night I couldn't charge my Smart Drive.  

So, thanks to some very awesome and wonderful football players, my stuff made it into storage.  I may not have a roof over my head, but I know I can take a stand and fight for what I'm legally entitled to get.  

And, this is where I am not.  I'm homeless again, and I'm fighting for my rights.  

Fair Housing is coming here to Nac in June, and I have about NINE pages of paperwork to fill out..  Personally, I just want this to go away.  Yeah, I think I may be strong enough to stand up for my rights, but there are days where just standing up is too painful.  It's why I use a wheelchair, and why I asked for that parking spot.  So, in the coming days, I'm going to probably post some of the pictures and videos.  And, I will try to keep you updated.  But, right now, there is very little fight left in me.  I just want to finish my education, and get a good job, and provide for my son.  

Here are a couple of the pictures of cars parked in the handicap spot, and the spot next to it.  The gray car is the maintenance guy, who said the striped spot was his "assigned parking spot".

  

This is one of my favorites...To be able to feel that privileged.  

I'm also uploading a video to youtube.  Personally, it sums up the past 5 months for me.  

CyberStalking & CyberHarassment

We’ve all heard about it.  We’ve educated our kids about it.  But what happens when it’s adults doing the stalking and harassment.  Because it is ADULTS it is not called CyberBullying, but it make the bullied person feel the same as when it happens to kids. 

According to the law, I am not being CyberBullied because I’m an adult.  And I’m NOT being CyberHarassed because it’s one or more persons hiding behind a Facebook page.  They have also hidden the “members” who like this page, so it could be anyone. 

All of my readers, fans, and friends know that I enter a lot of contests.  In every contest I enter, there are people that try to get me disqualified and if I happen to not get disqualified, then the people who are bullying me will post something to the effect that I cheat.

I have not won any major prizes because every time I enter a contest people will lie about me and make up a story so that I will get disqualified.  Then the sponsor will automatically take their word for it because I have turned the other cheek and not participated in their bullying because I won’t answer them. 

I’m  determined to NOT let the people who are doing this WIN.  I WILL NOT CRAWL UNDER A ROCK OR QUIT THE CONTESTS.  I believe in the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  I leave them alone and let them WIN their contests without contacting the sponsor just to get them disqualified.  I don’t talk to them.  I don’t participate in “voting groups” on Facebook or otherwise.  Although, the people who would say that I’m cheating are the ones that have the voting groups like Bring on The Votes  and Golden Rule Voting   and then the PRIVATE groups, where it’s invite only like Legit V (which I don’t have a link for because I wasn’t invited.) 

My friends know that I send out emails weekly, and sometimes daily, to ask for votes.  AND, if a contest is important enough to me, I will call them and ask them to vote.  Most of the families, I only have to call one person to start the chain to help me with voting.  I have incredible support from my friends and family that I have won a few small contests.  Although my small support group is not big enough to go against the voting groups and actually win a contest, I keep trying. 

A lot of you guys, my fans and readers, know the reason that I do the contesting and you understand that reason.  For those who don’t know yet, my husband is a Disabled Iraq Veteran with a Traumatic Brain Injury and has been off of work for over a year.  In that year, I BARELY got the bills paid because I had managed to squeeze every last penny to the limit.  The items that I have won in the past year are THE ONLY LUXURY ITEMS THAT WE’VE HAD!!! ALSO, SOME OF THE PRIZES ARE THINGS THAT WERE NECESSITIES like a stroller because I wore our old stroller out walking the halls of the Houston VA Hospital every time my husband was critically ill. 

The funny thing about all this, is that these people are spineless, deviant, and so immature that they won’t even admit who they are, not that I don’t know, but they hide behind aliases and fake profiles. Not one person will stand forward and admit who they are and what they are doing like an adult.  Like cowards they log their attacks under fake names and profiles that get discarded as soon as they make the attack.  The whole time these people have me blocked and I have no idea what they’re doing until I am blindsided or someone else brings their actions to my attention. 

YES, at one time I had TEN profiles that were used to help these same spineless people win in different contests.  Those who I have helped win the contest immediately unfriended me and blocked me and then stole those profiles.  These profiles were validated with cell phone numbers at my expense and were “valid” at one time.  These profiles were then STOLEN from me by these very people who were SUPPOSED to be my friends.  They were able to steal these profiles because I trusted them and really thought they were my friends. 

At this time, I DO NOT have any fake profiles on Facebook.  Nor do I have friends that I do not know personally on some level.  Most are family or people I’ve met through my life. 

My jewelry business has suffered because of these attacks from the rumors and lies spread by these people.  My blog has been reported as spam on Facebook, so that I can’t even announce new posts.  I have not gotten any new sponsors for giveaways or reviews because of these attacks.  These unwarranted and unjustifiable constant personal attacks have disrupted my professional and personal life and have literally brought me to tears more often than I care to admit. This became a HUGE issue five months ago, and I have tried to cope with it and ignore it and turn the other cheek.   

It’s time to grow up.  If you’ve got a problem with me, show your face and state your name.  Tell me what you want to say.  Quit hiding and quit being childish, we are not on a playground and we are “supposedly” trying to set good examples for our children, but how can stalking, bullying, and harassment be good examples for the next generation.  Your actions and your statements are there for anyone to see.  Your behavior affects not only me, but anyone who pulls up the pages you defile.  When an adult is as vicious and petty as you all have become, any child or person who see that can be influenced by your actions.  Grow up, take responsibility and stop harming others.  It’s one thing to be petty and vindictive towards me, but you really cross the line when you bare it for the world.