Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Things You Miss

You never know what you've got until it's gone...isn't that what they say.  I'm feeling a big melancholy today because I realize that my DH isn't as strong as either of us would like to believe.  They now want him to walk with a cane to help with the unsteadiness, and I hope this is only temporary.  To think, less than five years ago we were carefree and doing everything.  Now, it's work a little, rest a lot.  I've always been on the frail side and pushed myself to the limits, but I know my limitations and when I get there.  It hurts me to watch DH try to go past his limitations and then hurt more later.  I'm angry that the VA will not admit that this is a WAR INJURY!  I'm angry that we have to fight to get the benefits that he deserves!  I'm angry that my youthful, energetic husband has to work hard just to do the little things.  It's not fair...he has a one year old little boy, we should be playing outside with him everyday and going to the lake and going to the park and fishing and all the other things that little boys should do with their daddy's.  Instead, Little Monster plays inside on the floor with his daddy. 

We're working around the limitations of this family, but still, why should we have to fight for the benefits for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from Iraq, the Traumatic Brain Injury, the effects of having a loved one that still has part of his soul thousands of miles away.  I miss the man I fell in love with, happy and carefree, who used to laugh often.  Now, it's different...the signs are subtle, and if you didn't know him before the war you wouldn't notice that much, but I KNOW.

I guess it's because it's that kind of was beautiful and sunny outside and we really couldn't do anything.  Our goal for this week, even though it's a small goal, it to go to the park and maybe take the boat to the lake to just go out on the water.  I hope we can make that goal!