Why Are We NOT Paid?

Yesterday was one of THOSE days.

You know the one that starts out crappy, and it goes downhill from there.

I took everything in stride all day...went with the flow and just kept going.  After all, that's what I do.  I ALWAYS find the bright side of things.

Yesterday was no exception.  Even with things being crazy and it being a big time MONDAY...I still found the bright side of things.  There's always something good in EVERY bad situation.  

YOU JUST HAVE TO FIND THAT RAY OF HOPE.

So, what happened? 

Well, there was an incident at work that caused us to scramble to open.  The ray of hope there was that it didn't cost as much as it was thought at first.  

What else happened?

Not much during work, but after work I had an appointment.

And, I discovered something.  I'm not quite ready to spill on that, but it does lead me to the incident that had me literally IN TEARS.

You see, having a family member with a Traumatic Brain Injury is a ROLLER COASTER.  You can be on top of the world one moment because things are finally starting to settle down.  Things are getting better and you THINK that everything is under control.  But, the problem with a TBI is, that rug under your feet...it gets yanked BIG TIME.  There is no set schedule, there is no routine, there is no getting used to things.  

EVERY DAY IS A CHALLENGE.  Every day is unknown.  Yeah, you may be in a routine with the daily tasks, but there is always that wrench that is just standing over you, waiting to get thrown into your plans. 

That's something else that you learn...YOU HAVE NO PLANS.

I read an article yesterday about military spouses being thrown into the role of "caregiver".  This article didn't state anything about PTSD or TBI, but just in general the role of "caregiver".  

I have to say from experience...

The role of CAREGIVER is broad and definitely NOT DEFINED.  

For some, it's taking care of the household and bills and kids and just everything while the spouse is deployed.  For others, like me, it's the literal role of CAREGIVER.

We are given the task of taking care of our spouse when they have a TBI, when they have PTSD.

I believe, as I have always believed, that God chooses us for these roles.  He doesn't give us more than we can handle.  There are times when we think we can't handle any more, just to get a little more thrown on our already full plates.  

When I married Mike, I said for better or worse and in sickness and in health.  I loved him 20 years ago, and I love him today.  I love him with our without his TBI.  But, there are times it is 

REALLY HARD.  I'm not saying it's hard to love him, that is the easiest thing for us right now.

But it's hard to live this life that God has given me.  It's hard to watch someone NOT be able to handle things that we both know he used to be able to handle.  

Emotions is one of the hardest things for him to control.  The combination of PTSD and TBI just magnifies the problem.  

I often find myself apologizing to people because of his outbursts.  I frequently have to get us out of a situation because he has no control of some emotions.  It's not his fault, and I know he tries.  I also know that this kills him because he remembers what it was like to be able to control the emotions.  He knows EVERY DAY that something is wrong with him and he has no control over it, nor can he fix it.

Back to God choosing me.  I've known for a long time that I'm here for a reason (that's another post that I haven't had the courage to write yet).  I know that God has chosen me for something...I just don't know what it is, and I'm not sure I want to know what it is, because then I would be working towards that reason.  

All the soldiers coming back from war with PTSD and TBI...Yes, I know you didn't ask for this.  I know that your spouses didn't ask for this.  I also know that you and your spouses were chosen for this by God.  My faith in God is very strong.  I don't question him.  I do, in my times of despair, question WHY?

Why was I chosen for this?  How am I so strong to deal with this?  

The incident yesterday, again, put me on that line.  You know, that line where you question, "How much more can I take?"  I thank God every day for the people in my life.  Because without their hand and shoulder to lend me strength, I don't know if I could keep going.  Yet, every day I wake up and fight again for my husband.  Every day I wake up and deal with whatever new problem that comes around.  Every day I wake up with HOPE.  Every day I wake up LOVED.  Not only by my husband and family but by my wonderful friends and coworkers.  

I have learned to deal with the role of  "CAREGIVER".  I accept this challenge and this life with both eyes, both arms, and my heart WIDE OPEN.  

But, on days like yesterday...I wonder...

WHY ARE WE AS CAREGIVERS NOT PAID BY THE MILITARY FOR OUR SERVICES?

Why, when a civilian has a TBI, do they have a nurse or social worker come into their house and help them with the same things that we spouses do?  Why does the Veterans Administration take advantage of us spouses?  We care for our spouses, we make sure they get their meds, we make sure they get to their appointments, we make sure the bills are paid, we make sure that they can lead as normal a life as possible with the new disabilities that they have.  This is a 24 hour a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year job.  In some cases it's a FULL TIME JOB.  But, in my opinion, the Veterans Administration takes advantage of use.  We don't get recognized, we don't get paid (by them), we don't get any extra benefits.  

WE TAKE CARE OF OUR VETERANS BECAUSE WE LOVE THEM.  WE MADE THAT VOW TO THEM WHEN WE MARRIED THEM.  

FOR BETTER OR WORSE, IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH.

I'm not saying that I want extra money, though it would be nice.  I'm not saying that I don't like my life, I LOVE my life, I just don't like certain aspects of it at times.  The good times far outweigh the bad.  There are ALWAYS MORE SMILES THAN TEARS.  But, just once, I would like the Veterans Administration say, we recognize the job that spouses do, and we couldn't do our jobs without the spouses.  Here's a little something for all your hard work.

*OK...end of my little rant...yes it was one of those days where I was in tears and just needed a HUG*

Do You Know What it's Like?

I don't really know where to begin this blog, and I REALLY shouldn't have to post something like this situation.  Yes, I wanted to make people more aware of what Veteran's go through when they  come home, but not like this.

Last night, I was talking to someone very close to me, and this person ended up saying that the reason my husband is "so sick" (he has a TBI, he's not sick!!!) is because of KARMA!! I was so LIVID that I had to hang up on this person because they know nothing about what goes on here, and it just shows how STUPID some people can be.  

My husband has a Traumatic Brain Injury, not because of something he did, not because he was a bad person, and certainly not because of Karma.  He has the TBI because HE FOUGHT FOR HIS COUNTRY IN WAR.  HE was in a unit that was bombed daily.  There is a reason I leave him alone on January 7 of every year.  Because I can't begin to know what it's like to go through what he went through.  The only thing I CAN do is be there for him.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO?

Do you know what it's like to have your spouse withdraw from you because they don't know who to turn to for help?

Do you know what it's like to hear them have NIGHTMARES because of what they have seen and lived through?

Do you know what it's like to have your spouse constantly degrade themselves because they think they're dumb now and can't remember his schoolwork?

Do you know what it's like to only be able to hold them in the middle of the night because they are shaking so much from said NIGHTMARES?

Do you know what it's like?

i. do.

Those are two little words that I said on my wedding day, that I live every day.  It's ironic that they mean so much now in my life.  Two little words that say more than you can know.

I'm not even going to begin to say that my life is easy because of this.  I'm not going to begin to say I CHOOSE this life because it choose me.  I am going to say that I LOVE MY HUSBAND very much.  We may have our arguments, and we may not always get along, but we both know that we're there for each other.  

So, before you begin to judge me for my actions, or say that someone deserved a Traumatic Brain Injury, please think of what you are saying.  No one deserves this!!

I believe that God never gives you more than you can handle.  I also say that God must think I'm pretty strong because, every time I think my life starts to even out, every time I think I have it handled....a little something more comes along.  

If you know someone that is dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, who is a Veteran, or who has a Brain Injury, please pass this along.  Let them know they're not alone.  Let them know that there are others who know what they're going through and that even though they think they're alone, there is always someone out there...you just gotta find them.

As for that person that said this was Karma.....GROW UP!!! 

Wordless Wednesday

Shame on Lufkin Industries for Reverse Discrimination

*****WARNING--THIS POST DOES DEAL WITH DISCRIMINATION BASED ON RACE AND GENDER, IF YOU GET OFFENDED BY WHAT I WRITE HERE, PLEASE DO NOT READ IT.*****

My husband has been a faithful employee at Lufkin Industries since 2006. From that time until he was put on Long Term Medical Leave, he had only a couple of write ups. Now fast forward to this year. In June 2009, Lufkin Industries had to pay $5 Million in a discrimination case as seen here.  Now, In my opinion, Lufkin Industries is so afraid of another lawsuit, that they're practicing reverse discrimination.

Now, I'm half-mexican married to a white guy, and I am fairly open-minded.  But, when my WHITE husband gets put on "clean up duty" because he scrapped 1 part and had a write up for it, and there's a BLACK FEMALE that scraps parts on a regular basis (conservatively 1 part every two weeks) and NOT A SINGLE WRITE UP there's something wrong. Oh yeah, have I mentioned that it has been heard that the supervisor will tell this woman that "she's like the daughter he never had"? This alone shows the company playing favorites.

My husband has not been allowed to work on his machine since June while this lady scraps parts on a regular basis.  Now, Lufkin Industries is trying to make my husband take a job that pays $5 LESS an hour than what he has been making for about the last THREE YEARS!!!!!!!!

When my husband went back to work after his disability for an injury that he incurred during the Iraq War, the company had already given his job to another person because they did not think he was coming back.  So, when he did go back, they didn't know what to do with him. 

Does this seem right?  They have written him up four times, yet he only had one write up slip.  When he asked for copies of the other write ups, the company would not give them to him.  Now, Lufkin Industries has gone against their own UNION CONTRACT and given away a job without posting a job bid as stated in the contract.  There is a lot of playing of favorites at this company, and I feel my husband won't be working there very much longer because they are trying to make him quit.  They have created a hostile working environment to the point where he doesn't want to go to work and when at work, he does his job and doesn't really talk to anyone.  If any of my readers out there knows anyone that can help us with this situation, please let me know.  Also, please please pass this on to your friends and let Lufkin Industries know that reverse discrimination is as wrong as discrimination.  There should be equality in the workplace, not just with pay, but with how people are treated no matter what race or gender they are.  I know that there is a strong case here, and I'm really hoping that he is able to keep his position. 

This is reverse discrimination against a white male who also happens to be an Iraq AND Gulf War Veteran, who has had to have brain surgery for a TBI incurred during the war.  It doesn't seem fair, or right and yet, Lufkin Industries is able to get away with it.

Please help Chairs4Vets

Hi everyone!  This is a real quick one, and of course I'm having problems getting the likes because of certain people...you remember how that went right? LOL Anyway, This is for $100 for Chairs4Vets and will greatly help getting it off the ground.  All you have to do is from facebook, go to this page and like the page, and then go to this post and like the comment by Marcella Cook.  Another thing I'm asking IF YOU WANT TO is to put Chairs4Vets at the bottom, it doesn't matter if you get any likes, but I want to show that we have supporters! Not to mention, there's another person that is (how shall we say this)...getting likes EXTREMELY FAST...you can surmise after that!!!

Please ‘like’ http://www.facebook.com/thepbrealityshow

Then ‘like’ COMMENT BY MARCELLA COOK here     https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=255295944511364&set=a.211812512193041.56355.132746903432936&type=1 

Thank You

I appreciate all help you can give me with this!  

Growing Up In Killeen

Three days ago there was a group started on Facebook called YOU MUST HAVE BEEN RAISEDIN KILLEEN IF...  Now, the really funny thing is, not two days before that I had someone accuse me of cheating in Facebook like contests because I’ve had such a variety of people liking my posts.  Then, someone posted this comment and I realized that not everyone grows up in a town like Killeen.  And, Killeen is a one of a kind town, where the children don’t know if they will have the same classmates for school after summer break, and EVERYONE can sleep through artillery.  

 

That first night that the group was made, I was one of the first 1,500 members.  By the time I went to bed there were over 1,800 members.  The next morning there were over 2,000 members.  Tonight, there are 5,595.  I don’t know if this is any record for Facebook, but I do know that all of the members of this group have one thing in common…THEY GREW UP IN KILLEEN.  

 

There have been many different posts as people reminisce of the days when they were growing up.  Most of us had one parent in the military, but there were the few that were total civilians.  Even they were affected by things that happened on post.  

There were many good posts like this one.  The year we won the state championships in football, the year I graduated.  

 

There were also posts like this one.  Raised on a military base, children learn the greatest of traditions, and no matter what, we learn respect.  And those values that we learned, we pass on to our children, even if we’re not associated with the military, or like me, your spouse is retired.

 

There is also common knowledge in Killeen that Elvis was stationed there.  That is something I thought everyone knew. 

 

Many of us also have the bad memories.  The Luby’s Massacre was one thing that we all remember.  There was the Gulf War also.  Many of us grew up with all of this.  We grew up respecting the military.  Those lessons are with us to this day.  As Killeen continues to grow, it will always be called a town, K-Town.  No matter how far away you go, or how long you’ve been gone, there is always a small part of you that wants to go back.  Killeen isn’t a town, it’s a culture!  And, it’s one culture that I’m proud to have in me.  What about you?