Monday, July 18, 2016

Yes, I am #blessed

So, I get emails when a lot of people post their blogs, and I got one today that I had to reply to.
Another advocate of a special needs family member posted a blog about being blessed.  And, while I agree with most of what is said, I do have to argue about the faith, and praying.

You see, when I was homeless, I thought I was still blessed because I at least had a car to sleep in.  I had a pastor that cared about me so much that he let me sleep on the couch there instead of in my car during the coldest months last year.  I am blessed because I had friends to stand by me.  

Because I am so blessed, I learned a lot of things.  

1.  There are people worse off than I am.

2.  I know who my real friends are.

3.  I know I'm a survivor.

4.  I know what I am made of.

5.  I know that God hasn't abandoned me.

Yes, I do live in fear of several things because of what has happened.  I live in fear of becoming homeless again...EVERY.  SINGLE.  DAY.  I live in fear that if my ex gets out of jail, he will assault me again.  I live in fear that DTI Investments will get away with the harassment and discrimination that they put me through from December through May.  Mostly, I live in fear that I haven't grown enough this past year to see all the every day blessings that happen.

Now, to get back to the part of what I don't agree with.  Yes, it may seem that you have been punished, but in reality, you were given a gift.  Your daughter is a wonderful person because you have been blessed with a strong marriage and family support.  I have nothing.  I have no family to help me out, I have no family to cry on their shoulder, and I have no family to care about me.  

My family is cut throat, and will do anything to screw up my life.  I have an older sister that I don't talk to because she thinks that my ex did nothing wrong, even when he assaulted me.  Her first words to me were "what did you do to make him assault you?"  I have a father that chased me down the street with a butcher knife when I was younger. I have a mother that was (and still is) a hypochondriac.  I have a little sister and little brother that I don't really talk to, in fact I don't even know where they live.  I have a daughter that I haven't see or heard from since she was 4.  And I have a son I haven't seen in person since he was 5, and he has his own daughter now.

I've been wanting to start blogging again, but haven't figured out how to adjust things to my new life.  I'm single 40ish.  I'm still trying to finish school, and I'm struggling.  

But, my life is #blessed because I refuse to not see the small blessings.