Dear You

Hello again!  

Yes, I've been MIA.  Yes, I've neglected my poor blog.  I'm hoping to be back now though.  

In the meantime, I have a letter to write.  The person that this is to will know it's them when and if they read it.  If not, it will be here and let you know how I've been doing.

So...here goes...

Dear You,

   You came into my life at a time when I wanted nothing to do with a relationship, or even friendship.  You stayed with me every day, even though I said I didn't want this.  You wormed your way into my life.  That was my mistake.  I actually let you in.  And for that, I'm sorry.  But, everything else is on you.  The jobs you didn't keep, the things you blamed on me that you didn't do.  Staying up all night playing your video game, when I tried (very hard I might add) to get you to go and take care of some business.  Business that you finally took care of after I left you, and yes, I LEFT YOU!!!  

   It's been almost a year since we parted ways.  That year (from what I hear) has been way easier on you than it was on me.  See, I put everything into this relationship.  I thought you loved me, even though you swore up and down you never did.  I allowed you to get into my life, and that's on me.  So, yes, this year has been hard on me.  But, do you want to know what I've discovered?

  I've discovered that I can go on.  I've discovered that I am worthy.  I've discovered that I can do a lot of things on my own, even if it's very very hard.  I DECIDED to finally go to Austin.  And that was the best choice I ever made.  It may be tough, hell, life is tough.  I may be lonely, but at least I'm lonely and not being exploited anymore.  It took me the better part of six months to finally get my medications straightened out because you were overdosing me on all my medicines.  Without you, my finances are actually better.  I'm able to at least save a little money and have some extra throughout the month.  

  I've discovered that people actually like my art and want to buy it.  I've discovered that I am worthy.  I am worthy of love and respect, two things that you never gave me.  I've discovered that I am self reliant.  I make my own choices, and I do not need anyone to be with me when I eat at a restaurant or spend a night out.  I am perfectly capable of doing this stuff on my own.  

  I have made friends.  I have made not friends.  I have worked hard to get to where I am, by myself.  You see, when I met you, I had a plan, and you gave me a detour from that plan.  I don't blame you for that because I know that it was what was supposed to happen.  I do blame you for lying to me.  I do blame you for hurting me, just because you could.  I do blame you for making me choose my own independence or having you do everything for me.  

   You got angry with me when I told you about the appointment I had for housing that was made the DAY I LEFT....correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you ask me to leave?  That appointment was made almost exactly one hour before we broke up.  Why didn't I tell you about it?  Would it have changed your mind?  Would you have stayed and continue to use me?  See, this is why I think you got so angry at me for not telling you about that appointment...because it was what we were working on.  And, Yes, when I got stuck in Temple, i did cancel the appointment...again....you have no say in this because you had already decided you didn't want to be with me any more.  

Continued, January 18, 2026...

You see, I'm doing something with my life.  I'm actually doing things.  Yes, I would love to talk to you, and I'm grown up enough to actually be friends.  What about you?  I hear your girlfriend is pregnant.  I'm sincerely happy for you.  I know the general area where you live and I wonder how you got a place there with TWO evictions on your credit.  Again, it doesn't matter to me because I am working on my life.  

I have already had some great accomplishments.  I've collaborated with a company here to provide some of my artwork for them.  I'm in one of the fundraising videos for Art From The Streets this year.  I've started my own social media.  Yes, this is what I never expected.  I expected to be driving for Uber and Lyft again, but your jealousy cut that out.  I expected to already be in my apartment, but again....that takes time.  I finally got time and I'm making the best of it.  

I realized something today...Yes, there are people that know me.   There are people that worry about me if I'm not around for a while.  So, while you're going on with your life, SO AM I.  And, I'm doing so much better by myself.  Anyway, congratulations on the baby.  

Yes, I miss you.  Yes, there are moments every day when I think of you.  But, it hurts a little less and one day I may look back on our time together and smile.  

Me