Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Reflections of Me

For just over a month now, my life has been in limbo...but it's starting to settle down.
While I hate this whole situation, and the prospect of divorce, I cherish what I've learned this month.
Mainly...I have friends...They're willing to help me...and they're there for me.  
On June 27, 2015, my life as I know it changed.  It all started with a text message from my husband telling me he was in an accident.  As most wives do, I tried to get information, I tried to find out anything, only to find out that (surprise) we "were in the middle of a divorce" and the he doesn't want me to know anything.  

Thus began the tornado that I now call my life.  While I didn't want to file for divorce, I am.  While I didn't want to be single, I am.  But, I am also enjoying my life.  I'm doing things I wasn't allowed to do for the past eight years and it's wonderful.  

I get to take pictures all the time.  I get to post about MY LIFE and the people in it WITHOUT getting yelled at because I shared something they didn't like.  And, I get to go places that I would have automatically said NO to at the beginning of the summer.  Things that were automatically out of the question, are suddenly doable.  

Yes, going out on my own is scary.  I have to rethink things when I go to the store so I don't get things for my husband, and it can be lonely.  But you know what?
I was lonely at home.
I was alone most of the time anyway.
I was abused by him...something that I hid very well, but I don't need to hide anymore.
(And, yes, there are police reports)
I was controlled by him.
I was unhappy.

I tried very hard to make my marriage work.  I hid the fact that I was an abused wife.  I supported him through school and through doctors appointments.  I was the one that was there with him when he didn't feel well.  I was the one that drove him to every appointment.  I was the one that got yelled at when he couldn't understand Algebra.  

So, while I'm moving from limbo to permanent and it's really scary, beginnings and not so happy endings.  
This is no longer my home and it's time to acknowledge that.  While I've had many happy and wonderful times there, it's time to move on.