I Am Officially Homeless

Well, it's happened.  The time came and went and still, I had no options.  

I did have wonderful friends that helped me move my stuff into a trailer for storage until I find a place.

I did have wonderful friends that invited me to brunch to take my mind off things for a little while, and they also wanted to see the Wesley Foundation, that has done so much for me so far.

And, I'm more fortunate than most...I at least had a car that I could sleep in.  

It may not be ideal, but at least it kept me from the elements, because, boy it got cold last night.  Even the covers in my car didn't help much.  I have about 45 minutes before the student center opens up, and I know I can go and change there, along with use my meal plan and get some breakfast...oh yeah and get WARM!

When I do eat, I'm going to have to charge my smart drive because it's getting down on battery levels.  

I have been very humbled throughout all of this, and I know that God has a plan for me.  

I want to forgive my landlords and roommate, but right now I'm not ready to.  There were oral agreements made, and the landlords committed breach of contract with those.  The roommate is just acting like a spoiled brat (in my opinion).  Yes, I'm not perfect but SERIOUSLY...it was one argument and I was only behind $150 on rent....which they agreed to work with me on until I get my social security.  

One of the landlords did talk to me last week (and made me late to class) and said that because the lease had "NO DOGS ALLOWED" underlined and highlighted, they did not have to let Rainie stay there.  Guess what guys, she was a service dog, and an emotional support dog...she didn't count as a dog, and what was done was against the law.  There is no way to get out of it...what they didn't know was when the mediator went to them for a settlement of some sort, I was so desperate I would have accepted just about anything.  I'm more desperate now, but there's really not much more that can be done to me that I haven't already gone through.  

Give me a couple of weeks, and things will be better...and honestly, besides the cold, this isn't too bad.  I haven't been sleeping well anyway lately, and this actually isn't all that uncomfortable.  I miss my son, and I miss his dad.  If given the choice to not go through this, I think I would stay on the path that God has set for me.  The "hardships" are not really hard when you know you have something to look forward to, or even something to work towards.  I have both.  I know this is temporary and I know that I will still be going to school despite everything that is going on.  Now, it's time to go and find myself some clothes for today, and go change, then head to the school for some breakfast.  

i. can. do. this.

i. am. not. broken. yet.

As long as I remember these two things, then I will be fine.  

Also, here is the gofundme that my friend Marissa started for me.  

This whole situation sucks!

First off I want to say, yes, I care about what happened in Paris, and I would love to help, however, right now I have more pressing issues.  

I've said before, and I will say again...my faith is great!  I know that God has a plan through all of this ugliness.  And, yes, I will follow his plan.

With that being said, I never said I had to like his plan.  In fact, I think this whole situation sucks! In tmy opinion, he landlords still think that they can get out of the Fair Housing complaint because the lease stated "underlined and highlighted" "NO DOGS!" The problem with that, service animals aren't seen as dogs, etc...they are assistive devices.  They help people with disabilities.  There's no way around that one...the violations are there, they should have just said, thank you for telling us we were wrong how can we fix this?  

Then, the male landlord came by the other day, and besides making me late for class, told me that they are going after me for defamation of character because I'm putting what they do on the internet.  There are several websites that list the difinition of defamation as : 

the act of making UNTRUE statements about another which damages his/her reputation

What I post is TRUTH!  And, how the heck can this damage your "reputation" when you bragged that there were over 200 people in your bible study last week?  Seriously?  Damaging your reputation?  I have been a blogger for over five years, I think I understand the first amendment that allows :

FREEDOM. OF. SPEECH.

Yes, it's true that you raised your voice at me, and I will be uploading that soon.  Yes, it's true that you turned that power off, and Nacogdoches police called you about it...and you still kept it off for a WEEK.  I had over $300 worth of food in the refrigerator/freezer...which went bad because of this.

And, it's not my fault that you're paying for a hotel for the roommate who (again in my opinion) is not acting with the best maturity in this whole situation.  

So, it's tomorrow.  I have friends that are going to help me pack up what little I have, and put it all in a storage trailer until I can get my own place again.  Yes, I will be sleeping in my car. I've called Godtell, and if I went there I would have to attend Bible study twice a day, which I have no problem with, and would actually welcome it...however, I have my prior commitments that keep me out past 7:00PM every Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday and I will not shirk my responsibilities at school.  I made a commitment and I will abide by it.  

P.S. I did go drown my sorrows in Friday Night Magic, and it was Modern night, and I totally LOST!!  I need to work on my decks and see where to go from there!  BUT...this is a learning process and next week I'm sooooo going to win at least one round! 

I have to get ready for Showcase Saturday at the school, then there is a football game, and also a basketball game...I think I'm going to be quite busy today.  Don't worry about me getting my stuff packed...remember...Army wife, I can knock this all out in about 1-2 hours!

Have a GREAT SATURDAY!!

P.S. Here is a picture of some of the $10K in damage I supposedly did to the tile floors!!

Besides the tracks from my tires because I was going over wet floors...how is this $10K worth of damage???

The Countdown Has Begun

It's Saturday night, and I'm starting to get more worried.

I know that everything happens for a reason, but that still doesn't stop me from getting anxious.

I went to the ODK Leadership Conference on campus today!

I never thought that I would be a leader, or even be considered for it. 

I'm learning so much.  Even though I'm still anxious about getting in front of crowds, I'm getting over that fear.

I miss James, and I miss his dad.  

I wish that my life would be easy for just one month.  I wish I didn't have to worry about where I'm going to sleep or how to hid this from James.  

I would like to talk to Mike, but I'm pretty sure I'm not on his visitation list.  

At least I can write him a letter.  

I have three days left to pack up my house and find a place to put my stuff.

I've made a list of things to put in the plastic bins in my car.  

I'm pretty sure that I can cut it down to a couple pair of jeans, and t-shirts.  I will have to find different parking lots to sleep in, and somehow make the engine in my car last just a little bit longer.  

I hope that HUD can help me either find a place or help me stay in this place just a little longer.  

But, on to happier memories.

Here I am with my friends at the conference today!  

A New Adventure

So, court didn't go well at all.

I've spent all day between crying and not walking to talk to people.

I'm really sorry if you were trying to talk to me but I wasn't answering.

I get to go to a new phase of my life.

My education is so important to me that I will be sleeping in my car.  

At least I can stay at school until the library or student center closes.

Right now, I'm working on consolidating everything to where it will fit in my car and also have enough room for me to sleep.

It's a good thing that JJ is with his friend.  I've tried to shield him from this horrible life as much as possible.  All he knows is he gets to spend every night with his friend, and that's a good thing.

But, God, I really miss him.  It's another reason I'm crying so much.  

I can hope for a miracle before Wednesday.  

I've made a list so that I can try to make my car as organized as I can...but we know how I am.

One piece of paper and it's all over the place. 

NOTHING is going to keep me from school...NOTHING.

I will finish my education, and I will thrive.

I can fall into bed every night after studying all day, and then when I wake up I can always find a place to shower.  What I don't understand is...how can a landlord treat a person like this, especially one that is disabled?  

And, not only do I have to get used to being in my car, but I also have to figure out how I'm going to represent myself with this small claims case they've filed against me.
Have I mentioned that they took my doorknob so that I can't close or lock the door to my room, and they turned the power off for a week.  Yes, they knew it was against the law, but it was a civil suit, and told the police officer that they weren't going to turn it back on...I think.  (She didn't share with me what was said, but she did tell them that it was illegal...and yet the power was off for a whole week)

All I ask of you is to not be sad for me.

God has a plan.  Pray for James.  My poor son doesn't know what's going on.  All he knows is that his daddy isn't around and that his mommy sent him to stay with his friend.  

According to my roommate (pictured below);

I am a horrible and selfish mom.  She told me that any mom who gave up their child doesn't deserve to be a mom.  She knew about my oldest, and she said I was selfish.  

I have always done what is best for my children, even if it isn't being with me.  

I let JJ stay with his friend to avoid being around this person, who threatened to throw all his toys away.  What kind of person would do that?  

Me, I'm going to be OK. 

I've found a place, but I don't have the $399 for the rent...I've already paid the deposit.  I'm not sure it can be held for me much longer and I don't know how long it will be until I can raise the funds.  

I will post another blog soon with all the information.  But for now, Here's a screencap of my landlords:

Soon, I will post the recording of him telling me I was 100% negligent because there was mud on the floors.  Tile and wood floors, not even carpet.  

This weekend, I am attending a leadership conference. 

Then I'm going to pack most of my stuff up and get ready to move.  

I've don't think I've ever been through worse, but I do know that I'm a survivor.

I may have been knocked down, but I'm not out.  

I hope you guys have a great weekend.  I miss my son.  I miss my husband.

My friend started a hashtag: #Mercy4Marci

Don't Wish Me Luck Today, Wish Me A Blessing

Today, I head to court to fight my eviction.

Today, I have God as my shield in this fight.

Today, I hope to win, even if it's a tiny battle.

I'm getting evicted.  I'm not really happy about it.

There was a verbal agreement between my landlord and I, reiterated by a text message.

I had asked her to start the eviction process earlier this month, on October 12. 

On October 13, she told me (via text message) we had the following conversation:

LL: Please deposit some of the rent you owe

Me: I can't afford it and the late fees.

LL: What can you pay

Me: I've got $300 to last until I get my social security

LL: OK but what can you pay for your rent now

Me: If I don't get evicted $200 but I can catch up and get ahead as soon as I get the social security.  But I think I would rather take the eviction so I can have the service dog at another place.  I can get her certification paperwork as soon as I get her

LL: Deposit the $200 and then you can lay  [sic] the remaining $300 as soon as you can.

In this conversation, there is (in my opinion) an agreement about my rent.  She accepted the fact that I can't pay that much rent, and that I would catch up and get ahead when I get my social security.

Side note: I had the medical appointment for Social Security on Monday.  My case has been flagged as "dire need" and my caseworker is looking for the report from the doctor.  

On the morning of October 23, I had this conversation with my Landlord:

LL: I don't care about the spare room.  At this point if you can't work it out then H***** (name protected) has the upper hand her because of her rent.

Me: I understand.  I'm not bothering her.  I think everything is taken care of and I'm leaving her alone.  So are you making it back up to $900 or still at $700? (this is in regards to the amount of rent to be paid)

LL: Just catch up with rent first

Again, there is the implication that she has accepted that my rent is late.  There is also no mention of the late fees.  Yes, she has been very lenient with me about the rent.  

But, I feel to say this via text message, and then turn around that afternoon and hand me an eviction notice is wrong.  

If you think what is happening to me is wrong, please spread the word.  My friend came up with the hashtag #Mercy4Marci that we will be using.  

My Faith is GREAT.  I know that the Lord has a plan for me and I know that no matter how things go today, it is according to his plan.  

Blellow

You know.  I don't say it often enough, but I've found an 

AWESOME FAMILY!

The funny thing is how I found this family.  

My friend S invited me to their Knitting for Charity, and what they have here is something that can't be replaced or forced.  

I met some wonderful people that day, and I wondered to myself, could this be real?  

Is there really a place where people hang out and enjoy fellowship.

The Wesley Foundation is not only a lifesaver, but it's also a place of worship and a place of peace.

And as I sit here crying again, I think of my friends here.  

Both T and E wanted to make sure that I was OK after we discovered our landlords turned off out electricity.  

It was these two friends that were there why I opened the door a little and got pushed etc.  

What the landlord doesn't know, is that turning off the electricity only made them look bac.  Before you do that service you should see if there are any pet ones '

Reflections of Me

For just over a month now, my life has been in limbo...but it's starting to settle down.

While I hate this whole situation, and the prospect of divorce, I cherish what I've learned this month.

Mainly...I have friends...They're willing to help me...and they're there for me.  

On June 27, 2015, my life as I know it changed.  It all started with a text message from my husband telling me he was in an accident.  As most wives do, I tried to get information, I tried to find out anything, only to find out that (surprise) we "were in the middle of a divorce" and the he doesn't want me to know anything.  

Thus began the tornado that I now call my life.  While I didn't want to file for divorce, I am.  While I didn't want to be single, I am.  But, I am also enjoying my life.  I'm doing things I wasn't allowed to do for the past eight years and it's wonderful.  

I get to take pictures all the time.  I get to post about MY LIFE and the people in it WITHOUT getting yelled at because I shared something they didn't like.  And, I get to go places that I would have automatically said NO to at the beginning of the summer.  Things that were automatically out of the question, are suddenly doable.  

Yes, going out on my own is scary.  I have to rethink things when I go to the store so I don't get things for my husband, and it can be lonely.  But you know what?

I was lonely at home.

I was alone most of the time anyway.

I was abused by him...something that I hid very well, but I don't need to hide anymore.

(And, yes, there are police reports)

I was controlled by him.

I was unhappy.

I tried very hard to make my marriage work.  I hid the fact that I was an abused wife.  I supported him through school and through doctors appointments.  I was the one that was there with him when he didn't feel well.  I was the one that drove him to every appointment.  I was the one that got yelled at when he couldn't understand Algebra.  

So, while I'm moving from limbo to permanent and it's really scary, 

But...new beginnings and not so happy endings.  

This is no longer my home and it's time to acknowledge that.  While I've had many happy and wonderful times there, it's time to move on.

It's Really Real....and I Feel Like a Failure.

So, I saw this on the internet on Monday.

Yeah, that says I filed for divorce.  And it also shows one of my biggest failures.  I've always held true to my marriage vows.  I've loved and respected my spouse.  Through thick and thin.  This time though, it was really hard for me to even think of going back.  And, in a way I'm glad I didn't.  

Surprise?!?

First off, I have to say that a post about Chicago is coming up soon.  Right now, I feel that another post needs to be written.

In the past two weeks, I have seen the best of people and the worst of people.  I have been betrayed by family, and found support in the unlikeliest of places.  I have also come to have a deeper understanding of my own strength.  

P.S. You never know how strong you are until you are put through the test...I think God likes it this way.

Last Saturday, I explored Chicago, and had lunch with a great friend...again...later post.

I went back to the hotel and got ready for the awards program for PBL.  I was having a good time, taking pictures of all the Texas people, etc.  Then about halfway through, I got this text.

As you can see, Mike was a little disoriented and confused.  Now, here's the kicker...the hospital let him invoke HIPPA, and make himself Non-Disclosure...even though he was altered and went in with a brain injury.

I was frantic, and scared.  I found out that Monster was OK, but that was only the beginning of this nightmare.  Since Mike was confused and disoriented, I asked to speak with a nurse, none in there.  I asked to speak with a doctor, someone, anyone...to find out how my husband was doing.  No one was around, but he did say that his brothers were there at the hospital.  So, I called Stacy, since it was the only number I had.  

I found out from Stacy that they were waiting on the neurosurgeon.  I asked him to call me if anyone came out to talk with him about Mike.  I never got that call.  Instead, I called the ER to find out about my husband and found out that he made himself non-disclosure and that we were supposedly in the middle of a divorce.  (This was news to me)  I then told the nurse that I'm not sure he could have invoked HIPPA because he was confused and disoriented, and apparently if they're awake and alert, and at least know who they are, where they are, and what day it is, they can invoke it.  Personally, I think he was told where he was and what day it was because he didn't remember anything.

So, on Sunday, I flew home.  And I drove straight from the airport to the hospital.  Before they remembered that he was non-disclosure I found out that he had a sub arachnoid hemorrhage and also that he was transferred that morning.  I was in the process of finding out when the unit clerk remembered that he did invoke HIPPA.  

Oh wait....it gets better. When I got through with the hospital, I went to the house.  And found out that my husband had emptied it of everything of any sort of value.  After about an hour of crying, I called the police.  At least I could try to find my son.  When the police came, he was apparently shown old papers from CPS because he wouldn't file missing persons OR let me see my son.  

Sunday night, I decided to try to use the Wi-Fi at Whataburger.  First off, I put my keys down somewhere and forgot where I put them.  Now, when things like this happens, I stop and thank God because he wants me to see/hear/find something particular.  After about 10 minutes, I found my keys and went on my way.  There was a group of teens there that overheard me talking to my mom and asked me if they could pray over me.  Of course I agreed and  felt a little more at peace.  THEN, this same group of teens told me they didn't have much but they opened their walled and gave me every penny they had..  

Now, comes Monday.  Mike gets out of the hospital and tells me that he was in Tyler.  He also asked me to pay the electric bill, but I can't with no money.  Then came the subject of the empty house.  Apparently, Mike got it in his head to leave me while I was in Chicago.  He had emptied the house and then disappeared.  He was also with Weldon, and Weldon always convinces Mike to drink.  Then I found out where Monster was and it was a race to see who got to him first.  Needless to say, they did.  So, I haven't been able to see or talk to my son all week.  And, even though I'm talking to Mike, I feel that it is going nowhere.  He won't even come up here to meet with me and have a meal.  He said yesterday that he didn't want to meet with an angry person.  BUT, I'm not angry or upset...I feel betrayed more than anything.  This may sound harsh, but I am giving Mike until tonight to meet with me and straighten some things out.  I DO NOT WANT A DIVORCE.  

On Monday evening, when it was apparent that I lost Monster, I could only think of one place to go, and that was The Wesley Foundation house.  Never did I imagine the kind of help I would get there.  There was a girl there that was told of my situation and offered me to use their spare room until the end of July when their roommate comes back.  I never imagined that my friends would reach out and help me.  I've always thought that they were just friends, and not close friends.  

On Wednesday, I went to go see the car.  Seeing it, I'm surprised that my husband is still alive.  (Again, another blog post about this)  Because of the kindness of acquaintances I have a roof over my head until the end of June.  I still need to find an apartment, and I still need to come up with the funds for a deposit, and enough to pay rent until I get an income every month.

I'm still working on things...but I also have to protect myself from future actions.  I told Mike yesterday that I may be getting a divorce because I need to protect myself from future actions like this.  I don't know what the future holds for me, but I do know I'm on the right track.  So, that's why I haven't been online much lately.  I'm not sure if I"m going to  come back.  Before I close this one, here's a couple pictures of the truck:

Rainy night in Chicago

There is nothing like a rainy night to get you down...a little.

Well, maybe that and getting left behind.

I have tried my best to keep up all week, but today my arm was hurting like crazy.

I've been trying to ignore it, still with a smile on my face, but man...gritting my teeth while smiling is hard.

And, most of it is to blame on the carpet in this hotel.

  

Why do they have to carpet EVERYTHING?

And with super THICK carpet?  

I mean, yes, I know you want to give off the feeling of luxury...

but...seriously...

a better way would be to let us use the refrigerators in the room WITHOUT the $25 fee!!!

Don't get me wrong, this is an awesome hotel, and I'm enjoying sitting on the skywalk while writing this...

But, I don't think I ever want to come back to this hotel...there's just too much carpet.

Oh yeah, and have I mentioned it sux not being able to keep up with your peers.  

Go for a walk to get pizza...yeah sure...oh wait...I have to roll so much extra to avoid the steps and cracks in the sidewalk.  By then, I've been left behind again.

I have to say, Chicago is not the friendliest city for being in a wheelchair.  

So, this was a quick update. 

I will upload pictures when I can get them off the camera...did I mention that I dislike this chromebook?

And, tomorrow, I think I'm going to try my first vlog.  Wish me luck!!

Swag Code Extravaganza

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A Day for Remembering

Memorial Day is more than a three day weekend.

For those that have lost a loved one in the service, it's a day to mourn, and remember.

This day is for Jesse Mizener, and all the soldiers like him, who never came home.

We are the shoulders for their families to cry on today, and we're the ones that know the pain.

We don't hold a BBQ.  We don't have a picnic.  We sit at home, and provide comfort for each other, and our friends.

Because one young man died on January 7, 2004, my family has an extended family.  We have become friends with his wife, his brother, and his mom.  We watch his son grow, and his son has many fathers, even though none of them can replace Jesse.  Most of the unit still keeps in touch.  And we take care of our family.

Being in contact with his family has brought healing to them, and us.  It has helped some in his unit to heal also.  I don't know the entire story, and I probably never will, but I know that my husband feels guilt every day because he couldn't bring all of his soldiers home.  I also know that Jesse's family goes through a lot every day.  Time doesn't heal the wounds, it just hurts a little less.

Please, think of Jesse Mizener today, and all of those who have made the ultimate sacrifice for our country.  And remember why we have Memorial Day.

PFC Jesse Mizener KIA 7 Jan 2004

Proud daddy.

Jesse and his brother Brian, as kids, and then as adults.  Brian is now my family.

SoapBox Shampoo and Conditioner Review

Thanks to Influenster, I got to try SoapBox Shampoo and Conditioner. 

I was reluctant to try it with my freaky frizzy hair, but it was great.

I tried it twice to make sure that it wasn't a fluke.

The first time, I blow dried my hair and it was silky soft all day.

The next day it was still silky soft and I was surprised.  

The shampoo had a lot of lather, and the conditioner went a long way.

It's not often that I have a shampoo and conditioner that makes my hair soft AND manageable.

So, I decided to use my normal shampoo and conditioner, and use the SoapBox again a couple days later.  Again, my hair was softer and silkier than with my normal shampoo.  I'm impressed.

The other thing that is awesome about SoapBox, is that there are codes on the back of the bottles that you can enter on their website and each code entered provides a month of clean water in countries that need it.  My codes went to Cambodia and Ethiopia.  

This is what the screen will look like when you enter your codes:

Overall, I'm impressed with this shampoo and conditioner and will continue to use them.  

*Disclaimer: I received this product from Influenster for the purpose of review, however, all opinions are my own.*

Happy Mother's Day to the Not Mom's

I have to admit, I stole the "Not" something from one of my friends when she said yesterday that she was "not" dating her not boyfriend, for exactly six months.

Many of us bask in the cards and flowers.  Then I have a few friends that have joined a club that we shouldn't be a member of.  We've lost a little one and on this day, our arms are empty, and our soul is hurting.  

My friend Zita, who lost her daughter to a head injury, is facing her first Mother's Day without her daughter, and my heart hurts for her.  And my friend Espy, who never even got to take her son home from the hospital, my heart cries for her.  Two friends that have lost a child.  They joined a club that is exclusive but no one wants to join it.  

Then there are those mom's who lost a child they never knew.  These moms have lost their little ones before they had a chance to enjoy the pregnancy.  This has happened to me TEN times.  This is why I cling to my children so hard.

And, there is the small group of mom's that do what's best for their children.  I made that choice with my oldest child, and was forced into with my daughter.  Until last week, I didn't even know what my daughter looked like.  I wonder if she even knows that I'm alive, or what I look like?  I wonder if she thinks about me?  

So, for all my friends that are Mom's, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!  For those that have Angel Babies, I'm thinking about you on this hard day and know that my heart hurts for you.  For those that are not mom yet, you will have a chance someday.  And for those that have made the sacrifice, either voluntarily or involuntarily, you are not alone.  

To the daddy's and grandparents also, Happy Mother's Day.  

Me, I'm going to be up at the school helping other's with Geology, Analytic Geometry, and Archaeology.  Yes...tutoring 4 people in three subjects.  Someday, I will get paid for this!! 

Life with my new chair

It's been two months since I got my wheelchair.

And, I must say...why haven't I done this sooner!!!

I've lived with this pain for 20 years...

TWENTY YEARS!

I've been on Vicodin for most of those twenty years and I don't exactly like taking it.

I'm not in as much pain everyday, though it's still there. 

It's easier for me to get around. 

I can carry my own plate in the cafeteria.

I'm also getting really good at wheeling.  

I've gone down a curb, and around campus...

even without the Smart Drive...

And, now that I can get places without so much pain, I'm taking care of more business.

BUT...

My doctor wants me in a power chair because my hands are continuing to go numb.

I'm not sure how I feel about this, but right now I'm trying to make the best of a bad situation.

I'm able to be mobile, though not very well.  My hands are going numb, and there is pain.  Different form when I used the crutches, but still there.  

I've been trying to work out in the mornings, but lately it's been exams, quizzes, and papers.

The biggest thing I need right now is a decent cushion, though that is around $350 and hubby is still upset about the funds I spent for the copay for the chair.  It seems we will never catch up again.

And, if anyone is feeling particularly nice, this is the cushion that I would like: 

http://amzn.to/1EFSj9p

So, there it is.  I'm enjoying life again, and now need a cushion. LOL

SFA Mourns the Loss of Two of our Own

On Monday afternoon, one of our students, Qudus Olatunde Jacobs was headed to a job interview.  With him was Kosolu Ughanze.  

As a small school, we all mourn this loss.  The only words of comfort that I have are that they are with God now and that everything happens for a reason.  I've known deep loss like this, and nothing hurts more than the loss of a child or dear friend.  My heart goes out to their families and friends.

Qudus was a student in the Nelson Rusche College of Business.  Kosulu was a student in the Richard and Lucille DeWitt School of Nursing.  

Please, everyone, as you are driving anywhere, please be careful and think about these two wonderful students that were taken from this world too soon.

Please, also remember that if you do go to SFA and need someone to talk to, there is counseling in the Rusk Building on the third floor in the Student Affairs Counseling Center.  

Here are pictures that were obtained from twitter, and I hope it's OK to use them.

Life with TBI

You know...I've said this before, and I will say it again...

Life with a person that has a TBI is not fun. 

Yes, there are good days, but lately the bad days outnumber the good.

We have just been coming off of a bad MONTH!!!

And, I got my usual (estimated) 4 hours of sleep last night and was woken up by someone laughing really loud...we won't say who. (wink)

So, what have I been doing?  Well, homework for one.

And, scrolling Facebook (that's a whole other post).

While scrolling, I came across this particular post from BrainLine.org about Trust.

You see, since DH had his surgery, and we found out that there was brain damage, it has been a battle for us.  Lately, there is no trust.  He has taken to password protecting all of his gadgets, and of course deleting text messages etc.  All my life it's been hard for me to trust people to begin with.  It is a very precious commodity that I do not give out often.  

The man that I fell in Love with is gone.  What is left is a person that is angry all the time, usually at me.  I live in a small town where there are no support groups that I know of.  And usually, when I turn to my friends, they say to leave him.  How can you leave someone when you KNOW THAT THE PROBLEM IS THE INJURY AND NOT YOUR SPOUSE?  

I know that he regrets yelling at me, most of the time.  I know that he is having a hard time understanding his feelings.  And to top all that off, is the added stress of graduating college (I'm so proud of him) and not being able to find a job.  It takes all of my strength to talk him down from a rage.  And, when Abby from BrainLine.org mentioned that there was "a look in his eyes" that she had never seen.  I KNOW THAT LOOK!!! I've experienced it.  And it is dangerous at times.  

When DH looks at me like that, I KNOW that it's not him, his eyes literally narrow.  It is a scary look, but I've learned to cope with it.  Yes, my marriage isn't perfect and I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with...but I also know that it takes strength to stay in the marriage.  Everyone tells me to leave, but I can't leave, because I know that there are times when the old hubby will filter through to the surface, and he will laugh and make jokes about me.  And those times are what keeps me going...however hard it can be.

The birth of my Rogue from Ki Mobility

Since I've been trying really hard to raise the funds for the copay for this wheelchair, I figured I would share a little about the birth of it.  

When I went to Texas Mobility to get the whole process started, I had no clue what to do, what to pick or anything.  All I knew was that my doctor ordered a custom wheelchair with the Smart Drive.  Mary from the Tyler store was wonderful.  She got with me and suggested the Rogue from Ki Mobility.  It's a small company, but totally awesome.  When we measured me for my wheelchair, I had no idea what to do or how to order anything.  

So, I (of course) picked purple, and started doing research on the Rogue and Ki Mobility.  I would go several times to the website and look at my future chair and hope I could get it soon.

My gofundme wasn't going very much, even with the rewards I offered, so I made the decision to use my financial aid from school and pay for it, which caused a lot of problems at home.  

(So, please consider donating if you haven't, or even sharing the page to help deflect the costs)

After it was ordered, the waiting began.  I would go around on campus and tell myself...3 weeks...2 weeks...next week...and then 1 day.  I was counting down the days until it would be easier for me to get around.  

So, without further adieu, here are some pictures of the birth of RoadRunner (which is what Becca and I named my wheelchair).  

Here is the chair being cut and welded:

The excitement was building...then I got these pictures:

The color was AWESOME!!

And then I got these pictures:

This is what my chair (mostly) looks like.  And then they fit that sucker into this itty bitty box:

So, this is the birth of my wheelchair.  And then...the first full day using it:

It is so much easier to get around campus, and I'm building a LOT of arm muscles!  I've made my backpack lighter, and got rid of the umbrella (LOL).  Basically...I'm getting used to my chair.  Look for more posts of my wheelchair antics and follow me through this journey or learning how to use it, and enjoying getting around a LOT more!!

Why? You ask. Do I need a wheelchair?

Since I've been on this quest for the copay for my wheelchair, I've had people...some that have known me for years) ask me why now? Those that don't know me at all ask me why? So...I've decided to explain why I do need a wheelchair, and why I don't just "walk" all the time.

I've had what's know as Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy for 20 years.  A lot of people that know this disease know that the time period itself is a big thing.  Throughout the years I've fought to NOT wear my AFO and to sometimes be able to wear heels.  I would work really hard and be able to wear pretty shoes for a couple months, and then my ankle would start hurting and I would have to wear my AFO again...it's a vicious cycle.  When my ankle was first injured, I spent a year on crutches.  The doctor finally diagnosed me with Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy and put me in the AFO.  I was never told exactly what it was.  I was given pain medicine and a brace and sent on my way.  It's been that way for the past twenty years.

When I first moved here to Lufkin, I was in a car accident.  (It wasn't my fault!!!) I was rear ended in the truck.  The lady did very little damage to our truck but totaled her car...I guess that shows how hard she hit me.  I went to the doctor and he did the MRI and I was diagnosed with 3 herniated discs in my neck.  It wasn't until the second MRI a year later that the tech noticed the syrinx, and sure enough they went back to the first MRI and it was missed.  My doctor explained that this was why my hands were going numb and gave me muscle relaxers and basically sent me on my way.  I was NEVER told what exactly the syrinx was or what it involved...everything I've learned has been through my own research.  Again, I was given a diagnosis and medicine and send on my way.

Last Spring, my ankle started getting a lot worse.  I had to start wearing my brace again, but this time my ankle didn't start feeling better after a while.  Then, last fall, when it was raining, my ankle was hurting so bad that my doctor suggested crutches full time.  It helped for short term walks etc, but my ankle has been getting worse.  Then...there was the Cowboy's game fiasco.  Long story short...a 15 minute walk for normal people turned into a 45 minute walk for me because I was in so much pain.  That is when my doctor decided that it was time for me to use a wheelchair on trips like that and at school.  For twenty years I've tried to deny that there was anything wrong with me.  I've tried to grit through the pain and ignore it, and there comes a time when you just have to say, OK...I see it your way...it's time to pay attention.

Now with school started, it's getting harder for me to walk around campus.  I'm still trying to raise the funds for the copay.  I'm pretty active on campus, and the one thing that a lot of people do know about me, is that I believe in Random Acts of Kindness, which I of course perform every week.  (I won't say how, that would ruin the fun) So, this is the rundown on why I need the wheelchair.  Here is the reason that the copay is so expensive  It's called a Smart Drive from Max Mobility.  This would help me push my wheelchair without hurting my hands much.  And the chair itself is going to be the Rogue from Ki Mobility.

Now, I also know that as Texans (most of us anyway), we have a big heart.  If you can't afford to donate anything on my gofundme, please just share it.  Every little bit helps, and it would make Marci a little less crabby!!!

Swagbucks New Year, New You Collector's Bills

Swagbucks' celebration of the New Year continues with a set of exclusive "New Year. New You" Collector's Bills. They're a set of five unique Swag Buck bills that you win exclusively through their Search feature. Starting January 12th and running through January 19th, if you win all five bills, you'll get a bonus of 15 Swag Bucks automatically added to your account.

 

 If you want to track which bills you've won, just go to the "My Swag Bucks" area of your account and click on the "Collector's Bills" tab. Quick tip: If you default your browser's search engine to Swagbucks, you won't miss any opportunities to earn those bills!

P.S.  I use SwagBucks all the time and this is one of the ways that I can get stuff for FREE!

 If you haven't joined Swagbucks yet, click here to start earning free gift cards.

Changes are coming

Yes, I've said this before and I will say it again, though I'm really going to try this time.  Changes are coming.  A lot of people want to know about the savings and deals that I get, so I will be posting more about those.  I will also continue with my TBI and PTSD advocacy, and also posting on here about some of my jewelry and everything else that I do.  Those that know me personally know that this is how I work...several things at a time.  The way I figure it, there's not many people that read my blog on a daily basis, and more people are interested in the coupons and freebies that I get.  So...this blog is going to be about EVERYTHING!  Hope you don't mind.

Pampered Chef and Lilla Rose Fundraisers!!!

I love going to school.  I don't love the pain that it comes with because of all the walking I have to do.  I've had Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy for 20 years, and my doctor and I both decided that a wheelchair would best help decrease the pain of so much walking.  Everything has been approved by my insurance, but I still need to come up with my copayment of $1800.  I've started a gofundme page to try to raise money.  And after three days it still has a zero balance.  So, now I've got a Pampered Chef AND a Lilla Rose Fundraiser going on.  Here's the links to everything, and Please pass this around!!

Pampered Chef Fundraiser : http://tinyurl.com/MarcellaPamperedChef

This is the guest special for the month!!

Lilla Rose : http://www.lillarose.biz/parties/8562

January's Flexi of the Month is BEAUTIFUL!!! And the Flexi of the Month always sells out fast!

And here is the link for my gofundme page: http://www.gofundme.com/jb6iww

Any amount would help!! And this will help me with the amount of pain that I live with on a daily basis!  Thanks in advance!