I'm Thankful for...

This Thanksgiving, I have a lot to be Thankful for.

I may not have much but I have a roof over my head.

I've lost a lot but I still have my health.

I may not be able to walk well, but I can still walk.

I thought I was alone, but I have a few friends.

I have my cat, who always makes me smile...even when she's being stubborn.

I may not have school anymore, but I'm still learning.

I may have lost a couple of friends this year, but I've gained so much more in the terms of angels and extended family.

I won't lie...it's been a VERY. VERY. ROUGH. couple of years...but I 

SURVIVED!

I thought my life was good, and two years ago I came back from a school trip to a nightmare.

I had lost my husband and my belongings all in one action....I had to start over.

You never know just how much strength you have until you are tested, and I'm happy to say I'm STRONG.

I may have lost the love of my life, but it wasn't because of anything I did...he was unhappy, he made the decision that resulted in his accident, and everything after that.

I still have a long way to go with recovering from his assault, and I may never fully recover, but I've forgiven him.  A part of me still loves him, and will always love him, but I know now that we will never be together again.  He is still unhappy with his life, and he is trying to shift the blame to me...but the truth is...I did everything for him.  

I may still struggle with being alone, but I know...in the darkest of moments I have friends that are more than friends...they're family.  I know that no matter what, I will survive...and I'm a stronger person because of everything.

I will admit...every day is a struggle.  A struggle to maintain some semblance of normal...but I have a new normal and I'm trying to find it. I struggle with self-worth, like just about all other domestic violence survivors, I still blame myself...but I'm working on that also.  

I struggle with the after effects of his assault...and knowning that I couldn't have done anything to prevent it.  

The Masons expelled him for a reason...he's not a good person, no matter what he says.  He lies, he is extremely violent, and he should still be in prison (but knowing him and his temper he will be back there soon).

Most of all, I'm Thankful to be alive...there are times when I doubted my reason for being here.  But I know I'm here for a reason.  Maybe it's to tell my story, maybe it's to help that one person reading this and saying..."I can do this too"

Maybe it's to make more mistakes and learn from them.

If you're reading this, let me know what you're Thankful for...maybe it will help someone else in the future.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Reflections of Me

For just over a month now, my life has been in limbo...but it's starting to settle down.

While I hate this whole situation, and the prospect of divorce, I cherish what I've learned this month.

Mainly...I have friends...They're willing to help me...and they're there for me.  

On June 27, 2015, my life as I know it changed.  It all started with a text message from my husband telling me he was in an accident.  As most wives do, I tried to get information, I tried to find out anything, only to find out that (surprise) we "were in the middle of a divorce" and the he doesn't want me to know anything.  

Thus began the tornado that I now call my life.  While I didn't want to file for divorce, I am.  While I didn't want to be single, I am.  But, I am also enjoying my life.  I'm doing things I wasn't allowed to do for the past eight years and it's wonderful.  

I get to take pictures all the time.  I get to post about MY LIFE and the people in it WITHOUT getting yelled at because I shared something they didn't like.  And, I get to go places that I would have automatically said NO to at the beginning of the summer.  Things that were automatically out of the question, are suddenly doable.  

Yes, going out on my own is scary.  I have to rethink things when I go to the store so I don't get things for my husband, and it can be lonely.  But you know what?

I was lonely at home.

I was alone most of the time anyway.

I was abused by him...something that I hid very well, but I don't need to hide anymore.

(And, yes, there are police reports)

I was controlled by him.

I was unhappy.

I tried very hard to make my marriage work.  I hid the fact that I was an abused wife.  I supported him through school and through doctors appointments.  I was the one that was there with him when he didn't feel well.  I was the one that drove him to every appointment.  I was the one that got yelled at when he couldn't understand Algebra.  

So, while I'm moving from limbo to permanent and it's really scary, 

But...new beginnings and not so happy endings.  

This is no longer my home and it's time to acknowledge that.  While I've had many happy and wonderful times there, it's time to move on.

Christmas Shopping in Texas

Most of my friends and fans are saying it's cold outside.  

Yesterday, we were experiencing severe weather.

Like...Tornado weather!

That didn't bother Mike.  He told me, let's go eat something so we can do Christmas shopping.

Now, when Mike says shopping, I jump at the chance.  He would rather do ANYTHING before going shopping.

Like.  Anything.

So, we went to the Lufkin Mall.  It's not big, but hey, it's what we have in this itty bitty town.

We go into one store and I see it started raining again, so I say "lets go and look at something else", you know...to try to kill time until the rain stops.

The problem with that was...we had already bought the gifts we needed to get.

So, Mike said lets go look at those earrings again that we looked at last week.

Hey, the man is buying me JEWELRY...I'm not saying NO!

We head down to the store, talk to the same associate that we talked to last week.

He remembered us but couldn't exactly remember where the earrings were.  

Sooooo...we're looking.

We've got it narrowed down to a few different pair, and we're comparing them.  

All of a sudden, all three of use notice that the wind is picking up and the rain is coming down harder.

Now, we live in East Texas.  When there is a severe storm warning, everyone usually just goes about their business because we get severe storms ALL THE TIME.  No biggie right?

NOT!

Right after we said that the wind was picking up, it got really windy.  Like, shaking the ceiling windows windy.  Right above the Santa picture area.

The associate tells us to come into the store at that time because we were on the outside part of the display, which was on the corner of the store.  He quickly locked the earrings up again, and ushered us into the store.  Right at that time, the lights went out and the wind really rattled everything.  Everyone was running into the stores and away from those windows.  

I've never been shopping during severe weather, and I wasn't really scared...though the little kids that ran into the store with their parents were.  So, Mike and I did what we do best (apparently), we started asking the kids questions about anything to get their minds off of being scared.  There was a little girl with reindeer antlers and a kitty cat shirt on that we just started asking her questions about her antlers and shirt.  Her parents looked at us with that profound look of "THANK YOU"!!

It was over in a few minutes.  It was a shopping trip I will never forget.  And that little girl probably won't forget it either.  But, I got my Christmas present.  Yeah, I know it's not Christmas yet, but when you're there while it's being bought from your husband, you really don't want to wait!  Especially with these pretty earrings.  OMG they're so sparkly!!! LOL  

Saturday {SOOC} Straight Out of the Camera Linky

I decided to play outside with Monster today, and took a break and took pics.  Monster had a great time outside.  And there was the usual swinging, sliding down the slide and also riding his 4-wheeler. 

 

Here is Monster climbing on his swingset.

 

Monster on his 4-wheeler.  It's sunfaded, but works great for us.

 I decided to walk around the house and let him play for a little while by himself and got this GREAT pic.  He didn't know I was watching him!

And last but not least...again playing around with the camera to see how I can get action shots:

 Monster was jumping off the end of the slide and got this FANTASTIC mid air shot!!! 

This was my day, and I hope everyone else had a great day also!!

Saturday {SOOC} Straight Out of the Camera Linky

Well, I figure since I LOVE photography, I might as well start this also.  Soo...without further adieu here is my Saturday Straight Out of the Camera

As you can see...I've been playing with my new Canon Rebel Ti3 and enjoying it!!! Since I have a 35mm Canon Rebel, I already know a little about it, but a film camera just DOES. NOT. COMPARE. to a DSLR.  So, it's still taking some getting used to.

I hope you guys enjoy this picture of Monster Boy.  Can you tell he's a little country boy, wearing shoes without socks...yes it drives me crazy, but he and Daddy like it for some insane reason!