Thankful

As I reflect on these past 3 years, or 4 years, or even 5 years....

I realize that...

Again, I"m a lot stronger than I though I could ever be.

People will continue to amaze me, both with the good and the bad.

I have a lot to be Thankful for...

and a lot to be angry about.

I'm not letting my anger rule my life.

I have a few great friends, one fantastic non-husband, and an awesome job that I love most of the time.  

There are still days when I can't believe that my life took such a U-turn, or that I'm alone.  

I always thought I would be married and raising my family...boy was I wrong.

This Thanksgiving, I'm unable to continue my tradition of going to San Antonio because I have to work. However, I may go next week, but it won't be the same.  Or I may not go at all.  

Also, I'm a bit down this week.My KAFO's were giving me little sores, and we all know what that means...I can't wear them until 

1. The sores are cleared up 

2. They're either adjusted or more padding is added to cut down on the sores.

So, this means less standing and walking, and I really don't like being stuck to the wheelchair all the time...I like to get up the little bit that I can. LOL!

And this is one area where I know the risks, and I refuse to disobey doctors orders and wear them anyway, even though I badly want to!

However, I'm still wearing my AFO's to prevent my ankles from flopping everywhere, because that is a funny sight!  

So, all in all, I have a lot to be Thankful for, and I really shouldn't complain, but there are things I miss...

Going into the store real quick!

DANCING!!! (especially Two-Steppin)

Having someone that I can come home to that is happy to see me.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!  And I promise to write more often.

I'm Thankful for...

This Thanksgiving, I have a lot to be Thankful for.

I may not have much but I have a roof over my head.

I've lost a lot but I still have my health.

I may not be able to walk well, but I can still walk.

I thought I was alone, but I have a few friends.

I have my cat, who always makes me smile...even when she's being stubborn.

I may not have school anymore, but I'm still learning.

I may have lost a couple of friends this year, but I've gained so much more in the terms of angels and extended family.

I won't lie...it's been a VERY. VERY. ROUGH. couple of years...but I 

SURVIVED!

I thought my life was good, and two years ago I came back from a school trip to a nightmare.

I had lost my husband and my belongings all in one action....I had to start over.

You never know just how much strength you have until you are tested, and I'm happy to say I'm STRONG.

I may have lost the love of my life, but it wasn't because of anything I did...he was unhappy, he made the decision that resulted in his accident, and everything after that.

I still have a long way to go with recovering from his assault, and I may never fully recover, but I've forgiven him.  A part of me still loves him, and will always love him, but I know now that we will never be together again.  He is still unhappy with his life, and he is trying to shift the blame to me...but the truth is...I did everything for him.  

I may still struggle with being alone, but I know...in the darkest of moments I have friends that are more than friends...they're family.  I know that no matter what, I will survive...and I'm a stronger person because of everything.

I will admit...every day is a struggle.  A struggle to maintain some semblance of normal...but I have a new normal and I'm trying to find it. I struggle with self-worth, like just about all other domestic violence survivors, I still blame myself...but I'm working on that also.  

I struggle with the after effects of his assault...and knowning that I couldn't have done anything to prevent it.  

The Masons expelled him for a reason...he's not a good person, no matter what he says.  He lies, he is extremely violent, and he should still be in prison (but knowing him and his temper he will be back there soon).

Most of all, I'm Thankful to be alive...there are times when I doubted my reason for being here.  But I know I'm here for a reason.  Maybe it's to tell my story, maybe it's to help that one person reading this and saying..."I can do this too"

Maybe it's to make more mistakes and learn from them.

If you're reading this, let me know what you're Thankful for...maybe it will help someone else in the future.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING