I'm Thankful for...

This Thanksgiving, I have a lot to be Thankful for.

I may not have much but I have a roof over my head.

I've lost a lot but I still have my health.

I may not be able to walk well, but I can still walk.

I thought I was alone, but I have a few friends.

I have my cat, who always makes me smile...even when she's being stubborn.

I may not have school anymore, but I'm still learning.

I may have lost a couple of friends this year, but I've gained so much more in the terms of angels and extended family.

I won't lie...it's been a VERY. VERY. ROUGH. couple of years...but I 

SURVIVED!

I thought my life was good, and two years ago I came back from a school trip to a nightmare.

I had lost my husband and my belongings all in one action....I had to start over.

You never know just how much strength you have until you are tested, and I'm happy to say I'm STRONG.

I may have lost the love of my life, but it wasn't because of anything I did...he was unhappy, he made the decision that resulted in his accident, and everything after that.

I still have a long way to go with recovering from his assault, and I may never fully recover, but I've forgiven him.  A part of me still loves him, and will always love him, but I know now that we will never be together again.  He is still unhappy with his life, and he is trying to shift the blame to me...but the truth is...I did everything for him.  

I may still struggle with being alone, but I know...in the darkest of moments I have friends that are more than friends...they're family.  I know that no matter what, I will survive...and I'm a stronger person because of everything.

I will admit...every day is a struggle.  A struggle to maintain some semblance of normal...but I have a new normal and I'm trying to find it. I struggle with self-worth, like just about all other domestic violence survivors, I still blame myself...but I'm working on that also.  

I struggle with the after effects of his assault...and knowning that I couldn't have done anything to prevent it.  

The Masons expelled him for a reason...he's not a good person, no matter what he says.  He lies, he is extremely violent, and he should still be in prison (but knowing him and his temper he will be back there soon).

Most of all, I'm Thankful to be alive...there are times when I doubted my reason for being here.  But I know I'm here for a reason.  Maybe it's to tell my story, maybe it's to help that one person reading this and saying..."I can do this too"

Maybe it's to make more mistakes and learn from them.

If you're reading this, let me know what you're Thankful for...maybe it will help someone else in the future.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

For Lack of a Better Tittle...

Yes, this is one of those posts.

Where you wait for hours until you're calmed down enough to think coherently...

where you're eyes are still puffy from crying the night before...

where you can't BELIEVE what you have been accused of...

and the people don't even have the audacity to tell you to your face.

Yeah...it's one of those posts.

See, I'm not worried about defending my integrity.

I'm not worried about confronting my accuser.

I AM PISSED ABOUT THE ACCUSATIONS.

First, let me say this. (Without names of course)

Everyone knows that I don't get along with my family. I've always been different from my family.

When my husband and I got married, we decided to make our family about US.  

Not his family, not my family...but US.

We did this for a reason.

My family sucks!  Big time!!!

They don't have the same values that I do.  They don't have the integrity that I do.

My husbands family is just distant.  And, we're OK with that.  We always have been.

I DO NOT say anything negative about them.  I have the utmost respect for them.  ALL OF THEM.

It's just that we don't get along as well as other families.

Two incredibly strong willed women in the same room does not make for peaceful conversation.  

With that said...I HAVE NOT, NOR WILL I EVER SAY NEGATIVE THINGS about a certain person.  

Because of how far this situation has gone, I'm being general.  I want it that way so that I can't be ACCUSED again of saying negative things about someone.

Now, the person and/or people that have accused me of this is someone that I know.  

I wasn't told the exact specifics, but was told that I would see the accusations and documentation when the time came.

Now, for the other part of these accusations, which is totally appalling to me.

I was told that there were complaints from mutual people that I "share too much on Facebook".

Ummm...HELLO!!!! I'm a blogger and social media person.  It's what I do.  

If you don't like what I do, then please don't follow me.  I'm not forcing you to read my blog.

I'm not forcing you to read my Facebook posts.  

And I'm really not forcing you to interact with me.

IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH WHAT I DO, THEN TALK TO ME...

YOU. WOULD. BE. SURPRISED. WHAT. COMMUNICATION. CAN. ACCOMPLISH.

I've lost friends because of unanswered text messages.  I've lost friends because they don't want to talk.  I've lost friends over simple misunderstandings.  Every friend that I've lost because of this hurts me deeply.  I don't let people into my life lightly because of what has happened in my past.  When I do, I would walk through fire for that friend.  To think that I would abuse a friendship is just heart wrenching.  To just throw it away hurts me more than anything.  

Which is why I spent all of last night crying my eyes out.  Not only have I lost friends, but things in certain situations have gone way past simple drama.  I'm leaving a group that I care very deeply because I don't like fighting, and would rather avoid it.  

I'm sorry to rant, and I'm sorry if this seems disjointed, but this is how I feel.  I'm hurt and I'm in shock.  

Still.

Oh yeah, I was also told, not to share anything on Facebook...for those that want to accuse me...THIS IS NOT FACEBOOK.  And the last time I looked, the first amendment gives us freedom of speech.

I haven't said anything specific about anyone.  I haven't said any names.  

So, go ahead...BRING IT.  I WILL STAND UP FOR MY RIGHTS!