It's Time....

So....

I've been vague about my past and my present.

I've tried to show a brave face and keep the past there...

But things have a way of coming back to you...especially if you try to keep them buried.

You can't escape your past at all....not one little bit.  

I forgave...that's not the problem.  

The problem is people keep repeating the past...even if they don't try to.

When I was 14, my parents both admitted they didn't want me.  I was a sophmore in high school and homeless for the first time.  I traveled from house to house, sometimes with only the clothes on my back and my school books.  It took me 25 years to mend fences with my mom, and I'm still working on it with my dad.  Yes, I forgave them a long time ago for what they did, but the relationships take longer to heal.

Fast forward to this past winter when I moved into my van.  I had been working on my relationship with my mom for the past five years...she kept begging me to move in, she didn't want to see me houseless.  It was too cold, and she was worried about me.  She asked me to move in with her, so I thought I could trust her and I did.

Now, I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason...and maybe I am meant to learn something from all this, but I still don't know what that is, but I will learn it...even if I don't know I'm learning it.

Things were good for a while...but then her other caregiver decided that she didn't like me, maybe, that she didn't want me around...I'm still trying to figure that one out.  She manipulated my mother into thinking that I was stealing from her, and that's one thing that doesn't ever cross my mind.  

So, what happens...well...that's a whole other can of worms...that got opened.  I sew and craft.  I also got invited to a music festival over Halloween weekend...so as a late birthday present I was told to go...if I had only known...

I came back, and all my sewing supplies, everything was tossed into a box and put right on the inside of my bedroom door.  Then, the other caregiver took a picture (maybe plenty of them) of the mess....YES, I CAME BACK TO A HUGE MESS.

So, I was understanably upset after having to clean the mess, and also taking care of my mom because I was told that there would be people going by and taking care of her...no one did.  

The next day, it started...I fell and hurt my wrist...really bad sprain.  On that Tuesday, my mom begged me to go to the ER for it, which I finally did.  During that trip to the ER, apparently she hired not one, but TWO more caregivers...and wasn't going to tell me I was out of a job until after I had taken to her appointment that day...talk about used!!!

So, the other caregiver decided that I was dangerous, and called her husband over...and that's when the bullying and harassment began...The things that happened, the things that were said...the things that were allowed to happen...I can't believe that a mother would allow that to happen to her daughter.  

So, I happily volunteered to leave as soon as I got paid...I had put every penny I had into the household, so I didn't have any money...you would think if they want someone to leave they wouldn't interfere with them leaving...boy...wrong again.

So, I retreated to my room, too scared to come out....not allowed to eat...nothing...YES, I WENT HUNGRY FOR OVER A WEEK BECAUSE MY MOTHER WOULDN'T ALLOW ME TO EAT THE FOOD I BOUGHT!!!

The day before I got paid, they tried to have my van towed.  I literally said I would push it out into the street if I couldn't get it started...thank God it started and I moved it to the next parking lot, but SERIOUSLY???? Tow my only means of moving out of your house???

So, I know this is being really stubborn, but...I decided I'm not going to leave right away.  They had already called the landlord to have me evicted, I'm going to "stay" there until I have a court order saying I have to leave...which will happen in a couple of weeks but it allows me time to move my stuff the right way.  

So, after all this, I'm in my van again...and my trust is BROKEN.  My van is my safe place...I feel secure there.  IT'S MY CHOICE!!!

A year ago, when I was faced with living in my van, I was scared...uncertain.  Today, I am happy I'm in my van, though I do need to do a little more to make it home.  First thing is a bed...sleeping on the floor of the van is hard on my back...LOL and it's very hard to get up in the morning.  I have a warm sleeping bag, it may not be the best, and I do have to bundle, but I stayed warm when it got down to freezing last night.  I have plans to leave my safety zone and explore the state, then the US.  I plan on joining my fellow van dwellers in January.  I plan on making this blog more about my adventures, because this life is an adventure.  It may be crazy and hectic, but no one will be able to hurt me anymore!!!!!

I know I've been neglecting my blog...

I know I've been neglecting my blog, but in my defense...

I have no excuses.

There are posts that I want to write and I'm too busy to write them...

or

I don't want to take the time to sit down and write them...

or

I just don't know if you guys want to read what I write.

There are a few projects that I want to start doing, and then there's a couple that I want to restart.

One is near and dear to me...the homeless population here in Killeen.

I want to take the time to sit and talk with those that are homeless, and let you and the world know about them.  See, Killeen (Central Texas altogether) has VERY LITTLE RESOURCES for low income people.  On paper, they have a bunch, the main one is they will refer you to the Central Texas Council of Governments....which, in my opinion, is a joke. 

I tried to call for housing when I moved here and the only thing I got in return was "it's going to be two years until the list opens up"...this is just the HOUSING LIST people...not even the waiting time on the list.  In the meantime, there are people that are homeless because they have nowhere to go for help...most of them are VETERAN'S and most of them have some sort of Mental Illness.  When I called our State Representative, Brad Buckley, I was told there was nothing he could do.  In my opinion, this is EXACTLY why he was elected.  Unless of course I'm wrong.  

If this was Nacogdoches, I know that Travis Clardy would be working on this situation and trying to fix it.  He genuinely cares about the community.  With that being said...I do see myself doing something for the community because of the fact that I care about this town and the people that live here.  For the ONE homeless shelter to close down because of lack of funding is a joke. 

Another thing I would like to start doing is....

Just plain documenting my life again.  

Four years ago, when everything fell apart after the Chicago trip, I just kinda dropped off the face of the blog...I do apologize for that, and I promise to be more active on all social media.  

And yet another thing I want to start doing again is....

Encouraging more Random Acts of Kindness!

There's Kindness in the world, everywhere...and it can be spread by one simple Random Act of Kindness.  So, I'm going to start posting some of my RAOK's and hope that inspires others to do it also.

With that being said, I want to also use this blog to reach out to someone in San Antonio.  This person, from what I've heard, is very angry at me for not being in her life...E...it wasn't my choice.  You were basically stolen from me, and up until 4 years ago, I had everything documented.  You will be 18 in a couple of months and then as an adult, I can (HOPEFULLY) contact you without your grandparents sending me to jail....yes they threatened me with jail if I tried to contact you.  I will also send you letters which you will hopefully get at your house.  I've always missed you and I've always loved you.  If you want, you can ask your aunt to give you my number, I do take blocked calls so you can call me and I won't get your number.  

So....This is the start of the new (and hopefully) improved TheMarciFactor.  

Prayers for Backwoods

I've sat down to write this post several times, and there are no words to describe it.  So, I will probably put this in two separate posts.  The first post being the most important, the second with how INTERESTING  everything was until the tragedy on Sunday.

So, here goes.  (Deep Breath)

I want to ask everyone to stop a minute and pray for those that were affected by the helicopter crash at Backwoods.

Three people died, and one is still fighting for his life in critical condition.

This is my way of saying, you're not forgotten, and the entire EDM community is mourning with your family and friends.  

These are the three that lost their lives: 

Sarah Hill (GoFundMe)

Chuck Dixon (GoFundMe)

Marco Ornelas (GoFundMe)

And the sole survivor, who I found out after the festival is friends with my son in Nebraska.

Zachariah Petersen (GoFundMe)

All four of these people were doing what they love and we should remember them.  I for one, will always remember this day, and this weekend.  I may have known them a very short time, or not at all, but when you go to a Festival like this, we're all family...there are no strangers.  So, if you're reading this, please consider sharing and/or donating to these very worthy GoFundMe campaigns.  

I don't know what else to say, and anything else regarding Backwoods and my experience there will be in another post...which may take a day or a week to write, but it will be here. 

My Baby is TEN!!!

I just wanted to let everyone know....

MY BABY IS TEN!!!

WOW!!!

A whole decade since he was born. 

This is a quick post, no pictures, no nothing.

We went to NASA for his birthday, and he's going to the trampoline park with his Aunt today....but WOW!!!

Happy Birthday Monster Boy!
Mommy loves you so Much!