I wish I could craft

So this quarantine has everyone staying home.

What are you doing to pass the time?

Me, I really wish I was crafting...I would love to be sewing right now, anything.

This makes me think of what people did for entertainment 100 years ago.  They didn't have all the social media, they didn't have TV's, they just had each other.

I've found a few people that have been extremely helpful...

I'm able to park, until Friday at the Wesley Foundation, after that I have to ask again.  

I'm hoping I get paid on Friday, but I seriously doubt it...so I will have to find another place to park.

Today, the big thing is I'm applying for a job around noonish, then I'm going to come back to the park and clean out my van...I seriously hope the police let me finish it, as I'm going to have to take some stuff out of it, and the last time I did that, my LOVELY family called the police on me...like they have anything better to do.

I'm also going to practice walking a bit...hopefully by the time all this is done I can make it around the park...hopefully.

Other than that, my highlight of the day is watching the families that come to play at the park...most of them are practicing the social distancing, however there was one group yesterday that had THREE big families together...LOL...and one of them works in the Business Department at SFA.  I don't think they recognized me.  

Me....I'm going to take more pictures...I wonder if I can go to one of the parking garages and take pictures from the top...those would be really pretty!

That would have me on SFA, and I'm not to the point yet where I can go there without a panic attack, but I may try it since I will have my van right there and can vacate pretty fast if need be.

So, maybe I will get more blog readers with all this...maybe not.  I tried once to build my blog, that didn't work, so now it's for me to just write whatever I want...

So, leave a comment letting me know what you're doing. 

Leave a comment letting me know you're going stir crazy.

Or, just leave a comment telling me how crazy I am...I read all of them.

How I spent Thanksgiving

I wanted to wait to post this because it's been a full couple of days.

I met new family today, and was amazed at how friendly and welcoming they were.  

My adopted dad took me to his other adopted son's house and I met his family...who are now my family.  

On the way there, I wanted to listen to Rich Mullens, and my daddy said he had never heard me listen to Christian music.  I then told him my testimony and how I know I'm here for a reason, and that since that day I've tried to live an upright life.  

He sat and digested what I told him, and I thought for sure he would think I was crazy...but he just told me that I continually amaze him.

Then we got to Lil Bull's house...and wow!  Right away, I was family...the kids just embraced me and talked to me like they had known me forever...I NEEDED this today!

Things with my mom have still been crazy.  I received a threat tonight from her that I better keep an eye on my cats...BTW if anyone wants a kitten, I still have one available.

She still maintains that her caretaker, Josh did not assault me...that my pride was hurt...ummm....HELLO...what is this scar I have on my forehead???

I don't know where the next few weeks are going to take me...but I do know that I am scared to stay around here.  I am scared of Josh...I was told by the worthless Killeen Police Department that I need to go and file charges, and this was after I went up there the day after the assault and told the desk clerk I had to make the statement and go through with whatever I had to do.  In Nac, none of this would have mattered...they would have taken the case right away...here, it's like they don't want to work at all.  

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy your Black Friday shopping!! Me, I'm going to set in my van and chill for a while, or maybe sit here where I'm at and work on the computer.  I'm kinda stuck until I get paid, which may be tomorrow, or it may be Monday...with my bank you never know...which is why I'm switching banks next month.  

I'm just Thankful that I had family to spend today with, and that I have friends that are willing to help me out in this trying time.  I got blamed today for my mom not having anywhere to go or anyone to be with on Thanksgiving...it's not my fault...maybe people see you how you really are.  My thing is, I forgive you...but it will take a very long time for me to trust you again.

It's Time....

So....

I've been vague about my past and my present.

I've tried to show a brave face and keep the past there...

But things have a way of coming back to you...especially if you try to keep them buried.

You can't escape your past at all....not one little bit.  

I forgave...that's not the problem.  

The problem is people keep repeating the past...even if they don't try to.

When I was 14, my parents both admitted they didn't want me.  I was a sophmore in high school and homeless for the first time.  I traveled from house to house, sometimes with only the clothes on my back and my school books.  It took me 25 years to mend fences with my mom, and I'm still working on it with my dad.  Yes, I forgave them a long time ago for what they did, but the relationships take longer to heal.

Fast forward to this past winter when I moved into my van.  I had been working on my relationship with my mom for the past five years...she kept begging me to move in, she didn't want to see me houseless.  It was too cold, and she was worried about me.  She asked me to move in with her, so I thought I could trust her and I did.

Now, I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason...and maybe I am meant to learn something from all this, but I still don't know what that is, but I will learn it...even if I don't know I'm learning it.

Things were good for a while...but then her other caregiver decided that she didn't like me, maybe, that she didn't want me around...I'm still trying to figure that one out.  She manipulated my mother into thinking that I was stealing from her, and that's one thing that doesn't ever cross my mind.  

So, what happens...well...that's a whole other can of worms...that got opened.  I sew and craft.  I also got invited to a music festival over Halloween weekend...so as a late birthday present I was told to go...if I had only known...

I came back, and all my sewing supplies, everything was tossed into a box and put right on the inside of my bedroom door.  Then, the other caregiver took a picture (maybe plenty of them) of the mess....YES, I CAME BACK TO A HUGE MESS.

So, I was understanably upset after having to clean the mess, and also taking care of my mom because I was told that there would be people going by and taking care of her...no one did.  

The next day, it started...I fell and hurt my wrist...really bad sprain.  On that Tuesday, my mom begged me to go to the ER for it, which I finally did.  During that trip to the ER, apparently she hired not one, but TWO more caregivers...and wasn't going to tell me I was out of a job until after I had taken to her appointment that day...talk about used!!!

So, the other caregiver decided that I was dangerous, and called her husband over...and that's when the bullying and harassment began...The things that happened, the things that were said...the things that were allowed to happen...I can't believe that a mother would allow that to happen to her daughter.  

So, I happily volunteered to leave as soon as I got paid...I had put every penny I had into the household, so I didn't have any money...you would think if they want someone to leave they wouldn't interfere with them leaving...boy...wrong again.

So, I retreated to my room, too scared to come out....not allowed to eat...nothing...YES, I WENT HUNGRY FOR OVER A WEEK BECAUSE MY MOTHER WOULDN'T ALLOW ME TO EAT THE FOOD I BOUGHT!!!

The day before I got paid, they tried to have my van towed.  I literally said I would push it out into the street if I couldn't get it started...thank God it started and I moved it to the next parking lot, but SERIOUSLY???? Tow my only means of moving out of your house???

So, I know this is being really stubborn, but...I decided I'm not going to leave right away.  They had already called the landlord to have me evicted, I'm going to "stay" there until I have a court order saying I have to leave...which will happen in a couple of weeks but it allows me time to move my stuff the right way.  

So, after all this, I'm in my van again...and my trust is BROKEN.  My van is my safe place...I feel secure there.  IT'S MY CHOICE!!!

A year ago, when I was faced with living in my van, I was scared...uncertain.  Today, I am happy I'm in my van, though I do need to do a little more to make it home.  First thing is a bed...sleeping on the floor of the van is hard on my back...LOL and it's very hard to get up in the morning.  I have a warm sleeping bag, it may not be the best, and I do have to bundle, but I stayed warm when it got down to freezing last night.  I have plans to leave my safety zone and explore the state, then the US.  I plan on joining my fellow van dwellers in January.  I plan on making this blog more about my adventures, because this life is an adventure.  It may be crazy and hectic, but no one will be able to hurt me anymore!!!!!

Twists and Turns

I've neglected my blog for almost three years.

Three years I've wanted to write so much, and when it came down to it, did I really want to share everything with the world.

YES!  

I do want to share with you.  I want to share what's been going on, what I have been feeling, what I've been going through, my ups and downs...I want to start sharing again.  

So, what is my blog about?

It used to be about my life as a wife, a mother, and a farmer. 

I used to advocate about TBI, Hydrocephalus, Rare diseases, and things that affected me in my daily life.

Now, it's going to be about things that affect me in my daily life...however...it's now going to be about van living, fighting for my rights, thoughts, and people I meet.  

And, I will tell you...I will tell everyone...

I live in my van.  I got tired of landlords evicting me for asking for a wheelchair ramp, I got tired of roommates that decide to screw me over, and I'm tired of having to fight for every little thing that other people take for granted...like being able to get into their apartment or house.

It's tough, it's expensive at times, but I have a nice little schedule worked out.  

Most days, you will find me at the Gateway Truck Stop...You meed the most amazing people there.  Truck drivers that come through town once a week, those that don't ever come back again. 

The local firemen that come for breakfast, and sometimes have to leave in a hurry in the middle of their meal.  The older gentleman that I"m really worried about...he's all alone, and I don't think he eats much.  I've paid for his meals a couple of times.  The couple that home schools their son and daughter.  The family that comes in after church every Sunday.  The group of men that must have been friends for a very long time that comes in for coffee every morning.  

Living in my van has made me aware of how little space I have, and that I can get by with very little.  I miss my crafting, I miss my jewelry making,  I miss my sewing...but I don't think I would trade it for anything right now.  

Slowly, I"m coming back to myself.  When everything happened three years ago,  lost myself and it has been a very long road, but I"m making it.  Life will throw you curve balls.  You can expect at least one surprise every day.  And there are still good people out in the world.  

So, with that said....

HI!  I'm Marci, I've been away for a while, but I think I've finally found my voice again.  And, boy do I have a lot to tell you.