Dear You

Hello again!  

Yes, I've been MIA.  Yes, I've neglected my poor blog.  I'm hoping to be back now though.  

In the meantime, I have a letter to write.  The person that this is to will know it's them when and if they read it.  If not, it will be here and let you know how I've been doing.

So...here goes...

Dear You,

   You came into my life at a time when I wanted nothing to do with a relationship, or even friendship.  You stayed with me every day, even though I said I didn't want this.  You wormed your way into my life.  That was my mistake.  I actually let you in.  And for that, I'm sorry.  But, everything else is on you.  The jobs you didn't keep, the things you blamed on me that you didn't do.  Staying up all night playing your video game, when I tried (very hard I might add) to get you to go and take care of some business.  Business that you finally took care of after I left you, and yes, I LEFT YOU!!!  

   It's been almost a year since we parted ways.  That year (from what I hear) has been way easier on you than it was on me.  See, I put everything into this relationship.  I thought you loved me, even though you swore up and down you never did.  I allowed you to get into my life, and that's on me.  So, yes, this year has been hard on me.  But, do you want to know what I've discovered?

  I've discovered that I can go on.  I've discovered that I am worthy.  I've discovered that I can do a lot of things on my own, even if it's very very hard.  I DECIDED to finally go to Austin.  And that was the best choice I ever made.  It may be tough, hell, life is tough.  I may be lonely, but at least I'm lonely and not being exploited anymore.  It took me the better part of six months to finally get my medications straightened out because you were overdosing me on all my medicines.  Without you, my finances are actually better.  I'm able to at least save a little money and have some extra throughout the month.  

  I've discovered that people actually like my art and want to buy it.  I've discovered that I am worthy.  I am worthy of love and respect, two things that you never gave me.  I've discovered that I am self reliant.  I make my own choices, and I do not need anyone to be with me when I eat at a restaurant or spend a night out.  I am perfectly capable of doing this stuff on my own.  

  I have made friends.  I have made not friends.  I have worked hard to get to where I am, by myself.  You see, when I met you, I had a plan, and you gave me a detour from that plan.  I don't blame you for that because I know that it was what was supposed to happen.  I do blame you for lying to me.  I do blame you for hurting me, just because you could.  I do blame you for making me choose my own independence or having you do everything for me.  

   You got angry with me when I told you about the appointment I had for housing that was made the DAY I LEFT....correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you ask me to leave?  That appointment was made almost exactly one hour before we broke up.  Why didn't I tell you about it?  Would it have changed your mind?  Would you have stayed and continue to use me?  See, this is why I think you got so angry at me for not telling you about that appointment...because it was what we were working on.  And, Yes, when I got stuck in Temple, i did cancel the appointment...again....you have no say in this because you had already decided you didn't want to be with me any more.  

Continued, January 18, 2026...

You see, I'm doing something with my life.  I'm actually doing things.  Yes, I would love to talk to you, and I'm grown up enough to actually be friends.  What about you?  I hear your girlfriend is pregnant.  I'm sincerely happy for you.  I know the general area where you live and I wonder how you got a place there with TWO evictions on your credit.  Again, it doesn't matter to me because I am working on my life.  

I have already had some great accomplishments.  I've collaborated with a company here to provide some of my artwork for them.  I'm in one of the fundraising videos for Art From The Streets this year.  I've started my own social media.  Yes, this is what I never expected.  I expected to be driving for Uber and Lyft again, but your jealousy cut that out.  I expected to already be in my apartment, but again....that takes time.  I finally got time and I'm making the best of it.  

I realized something today...Yes, there are people that know me.   There are people that worry about me if I'm not around for a while.  So, while you're going on with your life, SO AM I.  And, I'm doing so much better by myself.  Anyway, congratulations on the baby.  

Yes, I miss you.  Yes, there are moments every day when I think of you.  But, it hurts a little less and one day I may look back on our time together and smile.  

Me 

Updates and things...

So what have I been up to?

Not much...

Since February, I've been trying to get a new wheelchair and braces to be more mobile...

Yesterday I got confirmation that my wheelchair is being ordered....braces are still in the process with insurance.  YES....it takes that long to get the things we need if you have Medicare.

I'm still trying to find a job...I wish I could find something...anything to be productive.

I'm still trying to get a car.  I really, REALLY miss driving Uber/Lyft.   

I've got a new apartment after the fiasco at the last apartment.  

They just said they wanted ME gone....no money ordered no nothing...sooo.

NEW APARTMENT....

The Landlord made me buy my own ramp, and wants me to take it in when I'm not using it...but I'm not going to.  Then, the apartment was placed on facebook marketplace for $750 and he's charging us $800 per month.  This is partially because we're getting some help with rent for a couple months.

Why, you ask, do I not immediately file a complaint with Fair Housing?  Because, the landlord also put a clause in our lease that says I cannot file a complaint...which is illegal in itself, but, HEY, I'm trying to make this work.  (If anyone out there wants to help me with this, I'm open to suggestions...I really like this area and don't want to be evicted as soon as I've moved in)

Jacob and I have had our bumps, and a really big one in August that almost was the end of us, but we perservered.  And are still together.  

Oh yeah, I was hit by a car on Sept 19, my sisters birthday.  It was a hit and run, but we were able to find the driver...only to have him not have insurance.  He told the police he had insurance, however, it had lapsed.  My power chair has a bend frame from this and I now need a new one.  

Not only that, but I GOT A TICKET for using the street when a sidewalk was available!!! AVAILABLE DOES NOT MEAN ACCESSIBLE!!!  One end of the sidewalk was good and ADA compliant, however the other end was not, and the officer only looked at the one end.  I feel that this ticket, and the fact that the responding officer did not file a police report and didn't get the three witnesses information, is the reason that Bell County is NOT PROSECUTING the person that hit me, even though he admitted it.  So, I'm stuck trying to replace a power wheelchair. (And then there's the ambulance and emergency room bill.)  The ticket has since been dismissed because they actually looked up ADA laws and determined the sidewalk was inaccessible....YA THINK!!!!

Again....if anyone has suggestions...I'm all ears on this one.  We are thinking of starting a fundraiser for replacing the wheelchair, however, I have not had much luck with these in the past and am hesitant about this.  

We're thinking of trying TikTok to generate some income, with videos about how I do things and of course our crazy life together...we may start that soon.

Anyway...that's my life in the past couple months.  My goal is to start posting on my blog more and actually being present here because I really do miss this.  

Still Surviving and Trying to Get a Car

 So...I've been living...AND...

Trying like crazy to get a car!!!

How is that going you ask?  

Well...

There was a fundraiser created for me.

It started out great as people donated, but it's been stalled for around two weeks now and I'm really trying to get it going again.  

Here's the link if anyone is interested : 

http://spot.fund/pxwt7sc

I've also been volunteering at Killeen Creators which has been AMAZING!

I've met new people and started teaching a couple classes.  

I'm also involved with some of the office work and working on their Volunteer recognition!

Things with Jacob and I are good.  Like every relationship, we have our ups and downs...but overall things are good.  He works locally now, so we don't have to worry about getting him to Austin and that has been a big stress reducer.

Now, the reason I'm trying to get a car...is so I can drive Uber again and actually earn money!!!

I want to be self-sufficient and get off of social security.  But, in order to do that, I need to make money.

In the meantime, if you're in Killeen, come check me out where I volunteer at Killeen Creators

OR...

Those that know me, just call or come by my apartment.  Though lately I've not been home as much as I'm volunteering and really thriving there!

And, with that, I will leave you with one of my paintings that is going in the Community Garden at Killeen Creators

I hope you like it!! I really do!  

Almost Two Years

 So....where have I been for two years?

Living life, letting life live me. 

Learning, losing, hurting, again...Living life.

In these two years, I've yet again lost everything.  (My fault.)

But...

I. HAVE. GAINED. SO. MUCH. MORE.

More wisdom, more patience, more empathy, more friends.  

My ability to walk, such as it was is almost gone.  

We knew this was coming, but it still hurts when there is something that I used to easily do that I can't do anymore.  Or when I forget how it feels to do something, like just walk into a store...without worrying if my chair is going to fit.  

So...what has happened in these two years?

I got an apartment, lived there for an entire year!!! 

It wasn't for me, became homeless again...got another apartment, and because of harassment and a very dangerous living situation provided by the apartment manager, I left everything I owned and became homeless again.  (More on that story in a bit.)

I have had such loss these past two years.  Sometimes, I think it's more than I can handle...but I am surviving.

My dad died on June 4, 2021.  My lovely sister made it to where I couldn't be there when he died. (Gotta love family right?)

Nine days later, on June 13, 2021, my mom died.  Again, my lovely sister made it to where I couldn't be there when she died.  (Man...my family sux sometimes!)

In less than two weeks, I lost my whole world.  And I still haven't recovered from that.  I don't think I ever will.  

I wandered around for a while, homeless again.  This was before the second apartment.  And, started on a journey that is continuing to this day.  

When I got that second apartment, things were good.  Then they fired the office staff and brought someone else in.  That's when things got really bad.  I endeded up getting threatened and harassed so much that I walked away from everything I own for my own safety.  Packed up what I could, and left to live on the streets.

The next day, I spent some time at the library...where I saw this guy sitting there reading on his phone.  The head of the library helped me out by calling one of the accessibility coordinators for the City of Killeen, who immediately came to see me.  Then, she helped me file charges against the maintenance person at my apartments who was threatning me.  Then this wonderful lady helped me get into the homeless shelter in Killeen, Friends in Crisis.  (I can not express enough thanks and gratitude for them.)

I was told to be there at 1:00 PM, and since I had no car, I wheeled over there from the library, which was only a couple of blocks.  There, I knocked on the door and was told I had to wait until 3:00 PM when they let everyone in and then they would do my intake.  To my utter surprise, that very same gentleman came walking up and got in line.  And, he started talking to me...with something along the lines of "weren't you at the library earlier?"   This started the path to something that I had been scared of for the past seven years since I divorced my husband.  

That wonderful man is now my boyfriend.  He now works at Tesla in Austin, and he treats me so wonderfully that I wonder if this is a dream.  

We moved in together.  If you know me, you know that I follow my gut feelings, and my gut said this person, named Jacob, was there for me.  At first, I kept telling him that I didn't want a relationship...after all I had been on my own for SEVEN YEARS!! I was fine on my own.  

But...I wasn't.  I never knew that it could feel this good to be in a relationship.  That this is what happiness is like.  This is a new experience for both of us.  We both arrived at the shelter so broken.  We're both learning how to have a healthy relationship...but we're doing it.