It's Been TWO years.

It's been two years since I went to Chicago.

Two years since everything in my life was normal.

Two years since I started this rollercoaster that is now my life.

A lot has happened in those two years.

I came back to a new life.

I'm no longer a wife.

I no longer live in Lufkin.

I'm no longer a member of PBL...though I hope that changes this year.

I've gravitated more towards politics.

I've learned who I am again...

For a while, I lost myself...

I forgot who I was.

I put Mike first...all the time.

My family has been torn apart.  

The man that I thought I knew, have known for 30 years

CHANGED.

So, now I'm divorced...again.  I've been absent for a while to try to get my life straight.  

I still have my hard days.

I still think that I'm going to spend the rest of my life alone.

I still face the uncertainty...

EVERY.

SINGLE.

DAY.

I wake up scared, I go to bed scared.

The life that I once had, the security, is gone.

BUT

I've made wonderful friends.

I've learned a lot.

I've found who I am again.

You know, people ask me constantly if I were able to go back and change anything, would I do it.  My answer is, and has always been

NO.

Everything that has happened to me, everything that I've gone through, every tear that I've cried, every heartache, every fear, has contributed to make me who I am...and I wouldn't change that for the world.  Yeah, it's hard...it hurts.  

IT SUCKS! But, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Two Years....it seems like a lifetime ago.

What now?

I said a long time ago, "I don't think I will ever graduate college".

And it holds true today.

Being a military wife, I had to start over on my degree plan every time I moved.  So, I'm out of financial aid...besides...I've been trying to get this degree for 20 years now.

Twenty freaking years...I've worked hard.  I've endured 2 abusive husbands, 2 divorces, and being homeless twice, yet still I perservered.

And now, I have no funding for these last ten classes.  

TWO SEMESTERS...that's all that is between me and a piece of paper that i've worked very hard for.

I've had people make promises and break them.

I've done a lot.

Yeah, because I was homeless my GPA dropped...I get that...even though that's not a good enough excuse.  

People like me don't get degrees, we are the ones that do the minimum wage jobs for those that do have the degrees.

I've always dreamed of having a house, and a car that is reliable.  I've dreamed of going to work every day in an office, or a classroom...I'm not picky.

TEN classes....TWO semesters....that's all that is left.

I helped my ex through college, and the deal we made was for him to support me in college after he got his degree...yeah, that didn't happen.  

I don't know if I will ever be able to finish these last ten classes...right now, I have to find some sort of job...something to help out.  

On the bright side...I can study for my Magic Judges Exam, and try to get better at playing Magic...maybe I can earn the money that way.  

So, unless by some miracle, I have a benefactor that is willing to pay for the next semester, FOUR of those ten classes, I won't be able to finish.  If I can pass those FOUR classes, then DARS will pay for the rest of my education...until then...I'm on the outside looking in...and Hoping.

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If you aren't already a member of Swagbucks, it's a site where you earn points (called SB) for Searching the web, shopping, discovering deals, taking surveys, and watching videos. Then you redeem those points for gift cards to places like Amazon, PayPal, Walmart, Starbucks, Target, and more! They've awarded over $185 million in free gift cards already.

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