One Year

The title says one year, but this is more like the past three years. 

But, one year ago today a very dear friend died.  

In the past year I've lost three people that are important to me.

How does someone move on from that?

These past three years have been hell for me; they would be hell for anyone even if they didn't have a divorce and was assaulted on top of everything else.

I've been through the ringer, I've pushed people away.  I've come very close to self-destruction...but I've learned a lot.

I've learned that I can just go somewhere and not tell anyone.

I've learned how to play Magic the Gathering.

I've learned how to sew and how to make books.

I've gotten a job and I've made bad decisions.

But those have made me.

So, I'm apologizing for withdrawing and I apologize to those that I've hurt.  

For the past three years, I've been alone.  I haven't had a relationship and I haven't been living with someone...it's been me for most of the time.  And this is a first for my life.  

Those who follow my blog, and who don't really talk to me anymore, I would like you to know that it may not seem like it all the time...but I'm OK.  

I'm incredibly lonely.  One day I will find someone that will not assault me, will not say I'm crazy and will not have an affair with someone else.  One day I won't be so lonely.  But until that day, I will wake up and put a smile on my face...and you won't know that I'm lonely or that I wish you would come over.  My door is always open if I'm home.